The wrong call

WARNING: BORING POST!

Well, it's Saturday morning and William is down for a nap, so I have about, oh, 10 minutes or so before he wakes up. We have yoga today and I'm looking forward to it, although I don't know how he'll do since he's been sick again and last night was not such a good night. Speaking of last night, I didn't post yesterday, so first I should try to remember Thursday night.

He had napped at daycare from 3:30 to 4:30, so we started bath at 6:55, and I nursed at 7:15. He dozed and nursed from 7:15 to 8:00, but when I tried to move him to the crib, he woke up and cried. So I nursed some more, until he fell asleep around 8:25, and I moved him to his crib (asleep). I think he woke up several times between then and 1:30. I tried to get him back to sleep without nursing, but I don't think I was very successful. I can't remember the rest. I think he did better in the morning, though. We slept from 4:00 until 6:45 a.m. (This is why I need to post every day! I forget so easily!)

As for last night, I made a series of bad calls that I think contributed to his poor sleeping. For starters, Ed stayed home with him yesterday and said he really only took a 45-minute nap around noon. I didn't get home until around 6:00. He had eaten at 4:30, but he started to get cranky, so I was trying to decide if I wanted to try to get him to take a short nap, or if I should just put him down for the night. I went ahead and nursed him with the idea that he would just nap, and he quickly dozed off, but then I thought, "that was dumb. I should have put him in his pajamas, nursed him, and put him down for the night." So then I tried changing him into his pajamas, hoping he wouldn't totally wake up. DUMB! So he woke up. So that was around 6:30. So we went ahead and gave him his bath, and I nursed him again at 6:45. He dozed and nursed, and I put him in his crib asleep at 7:25. But then he woke up at 8:15, so I nursed him again and put him back in his crib. I tried just rocking him with his paci, but he totally fought the paci. It made him really mad that I even tried it! Then he woke up again at around 9:30, so again, I nursed him (rocking didn't work), and he fell asleep quickly. So then I thought, "okay, he's getting dependent on being nursed back to sleep, so when he wakes up again, I won't nurse him." So he woke up again around 10:something, and I didn't nurse him, and he wouldn't take the paci. So he cried and cried and pushed against me, and I held him and walked around, and he finally fell asleep with me holding him. So I put him back down, but he woke up again not long after that, so we did it all again. He cried and cried and fought against me. I just held him, and he finally fell asleep again, and I put him back down. But then he woke up at 11:00, and we did it all again, and I got him to fall asleep, but then he woke up before I even got him in the crib and started crying all over again. By this point, it was 11:50, so I decided I would go ahead and nurse him again (I had been trying to wait until after midnight). So I nursed him, and he dozed some, I dozed some, and after an HOUR of this, I finally broke him off because I was sore and he wasn't even drinking. But he got really mad again. So I carried him into the kitchen and made a 4-oz. formula bottle. We went back to his room and he sucked it down in less than 5 minutes. Poor guy was hungry! So all those times I wouldn't nurse him, was he just hungry? So after he sucked down the 4 ounces, I took him back into the kitchen to make another bottle, but while I was doing that, he fell asleep. By then it was 1:30. I put him down in his crib, and he slept until 5:00 a.m.! I nursed him at 5:00, put him down at 5:15, and he woke up at 6:00. Then I nursed him again, and he slept from 6:45-7:45.

So, my point is, I feel like I'm always making the wrong call. I don't know how to get consistency in our lives.

Not such a good night

Is William such an inconsistent sleeper because that's just his personality? Or is it because of me? Should I wake him up at the exact same time every morning? And put him to sleep at the exact same time every night? It's so hard to know what's best. And then throw in all the other factors, like being sick, and how he napped during the day, what time his last nap was, how much he ate. Ugh. I wish there was an obvious answer.

So last night (Wed.), he had napped from 3:40 to 5:15. So we started bath at 7:15, and I nursed him from 7:30 to 8:00. He didn't want to nurse anymore, so I gave him a formula bottle and he drank 3.5 oz. He fell asleep with me rocking him in the chair with his pace at 8:35, and I put him in his crib (asleep) at 8:45. Then he woke up at 11:30; I nursed him and put him down at 12:15. He woke up again at 1:30 and I had a heck of a time getting him back in his crib. I nursed/rocked/etc., and finally gave him Tylenol at 3:00, and got him in his crib at 3:20. Then he was up at 5:00. I nursed, he slept on the nursing pillow, but couldn't get him back in his crib. Up for the day at 6:30.

Too tired to write more. Good night!

A good night

William had a good night last night, despite being sick. It took a while to put him down, though. He had . . . oops! I just heard an explosive poop while he was in the jumperoo! I better go change him! Be right back. . . Okay, we're back. Yep--blowout, all over his pants!

Anyway, as I was saying, yesterday, he napped at daycare around 4 (I think) for a half hour, and then snoozed/nursed from 6:00 to 6:40. So we started bath a little later, around 7:45. I nursed him at 8:00, but after a few minutes, he got fussy. So I gave him a bottle and he drank about 3 oz. And then he nursed again, and fell asleep around 8:35 and I put him in his crib at 8:45. Then he woke up about 10 minutes later so I nursed him again, and put him back in his crib around 9:15 (maybe 9:30). Then he slept until 3:00 a.m.! I nursed him at 3:00 and put him back in his crib asleep at 3:45. Then he slept until 6:00 a.m. He actually woke up around 4:45, but he put himself back to sleep. Yay! And he napped well at daycare today, too. Hopefully he's feeling better.

Well, not much else to say tonight. Tomorrow is William's last day at his current daycare. Ed is going to stay home with him on Friday. And then on Monday he starts his new center. I'm making brownies for his teachers. So I gotta go get them out of the oven!

William's best friend

I've become quite active on some of the message boards on Babycenter.com, and the one for babies born in May '06 has photo contests every week. This week's theme is best buddies, and people are posting pictures of their LOs (little ones) with their pets, or with their siblings, or with their loveys (blankets, stuffed animals etc.). Well, William has yet to form an attachment to a blanket or teddy bear or any other inanimate object. And it's close to impossible to get a picture of him with Clark at this point. So this is my submission:


William LOVES his daddy more than just about anything else. (Except in the middle of the night, when only mama will do!) It's so fun to watch them together. And Ed is so great with him. I am very lucky to have such a wonderful husband--that's for sure. He has come through for me so many times since William's arrival. One incident in particular made me feel totally taken care of. I'm a pretty independent person--usually I do things for myself--and somewhat of a control freak. But with Ed, I have learned how amazing it is to be able to completely depend on someone else.

William was jaundiced when he was born and had to spend considerable time in the light box. I was actually discharged from the hospital before he was, so he had to stay overnight, and we didn't have a room or a place to stay. I was also nursing and had to nurse every three hours. Well, William was on the 7th floor and the head nurse expected us to stay down in the hospital lobby and just come up to nurse. I was an emotional wreck, not having had any sleep for 36 hours, and I did not want to be that far away from William. As soon as the head nurse told me we couldn't stay in the nursery between feedings, I burst into tears, sobbing. Ed was having a really hard time dealing with me crying so much, but he was so angry. His immediate reaction was to get up and find the head nurse. I don't know what he said, but as I sat in the nursery sobbing, Ed talked to the nurse outside, and when he came back, he said we could stay in the nursery between feedings. Just having him fight for me, and being able to completely depend on him to take care of the situation, meant so much. It reinforced the fact that marriage is a true partnership--that two make one.

I am so happy and thankful to have Ed. And even though his penchant for neatness is driving me crazy (and my penchant for messiness is making him nuts!), where would I be without him? He has stepped up in so many ways. And the thing I love the most is that he truly loves being with William. There's such a bond that forms between parents when they take the same pleasure in watching their child grow and change. So if you're reading this Ed, thank you! (And I'll clean off my desk this weekend! :-)

As for sleeping, last night (Monday night) was more of the same--up so many times I lost count. I was able to get him back to sleep without nursing him, though. So I guess that was good. I'll be so happy when he's over this cold. I need to get a humidifier for his room. And I should be better about using saline. But he just hates it so much. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode of , "My baby hates to sleep"!

Piecemeal

Well, I posted last night, but I guess something happened, because it didn't seem to go through. So I'll try to recreate it. Basically, it was just a quick recap of the weekend.

I titled this one "piecemeal" because that's how it seems everything gets done these days. It's almost impossible to complete a project from start to finish in one "sitting." For example, I needed to go through William's dresser and make room for fall/winter clothes, and put away his summer clothes that are too small. I've had a pile of his fall/winter clothes on the floor in his room for several weeks. So it sounds like a simple task. Shouldn't take too long. It took me the entire weekend. I had to move a few things around to make room in the dresser. Then I came back another time to go through his summer clothes. That acutally took two trips. Then I had to put away his fall/winter stuff. Geeze. Laundry is the same way now. I'll get a few pieces folded at a time before I have to do something else. And by Sunday night, there's still stuff in the dryer, and stuff in the washer. Oh well. I just need to get more efficient, I guess.

Anyway, we had one of those split personality weekends. Saturday was awesome. Sunday, not so great. Saturday we went to Itsy Bitsy Yoga and William did soooooo well. He babbled a lot, so he must have been enjoying himself. He was fine doing the poses on his back, too. And on the car ride home, he fell asleep without fussing at all (maybe the third time he's ever done that) and I moved him into his crib when we got home. And Saturday afternoon, Ed's parents babysat while Ed and I saw a move (Little Miss Sunshine--sooooooo good!) and Ed's parents said he was so good the entire time. They took him for a walk and he fell asleep in the stroller.

Saturday night, however, he must have started feeling bad because he woke up just about every hour. I don't even know how many times, I lost track. And then yesterday, he got a stuffy/snotty nose. I can't believe he's sick again. I am so bummed. I thought we had turned a corner and that he had caught just about every germ he could. Guess not. Poor guy. He was kind of clingy/fussy all day, and did not want to sleep in his crib. I got him to sleep for about an hour and a half with me in our bed. But last night, he was up a lot, and the only way I could get him back to sleep was to nurse him. It took forever just to get him to go to sleep in the first place because he did not want to be in his crib. We started his bath at about 6:50, and then I started nursing at 7:15, and he didn't go to sleep until 9:00! I tried several times to put him in his crib (once he had fallen asleep), but he was not having that. And I really really wanted to watch Desperate Housewives (which started at 9:00). So I ended up nursing him in our bed, where he fell asleep, and then I moved him to his crib at 10:00. He woke up at 10:30, though, and after that, it's all a haze. But I know this morning, he slept from about 3:30 to 5:00, and then from 5:30 to about 7:15.

Okay--I need to work now.

William's first artwork

Well I didn't get to blog last night because Ed rented a movie for us, which we watched after I put William down for the night. We watched Sideways. It was really good! Funny and sometimes disturbing and bittersweet. It's one of those movies that is so real--the characters are real, the situations are real. Anyway, I recommend it if you haven't seen it. And it definitely makes me want to go tour wineries!

When I picked up William at "school" yesterday (that's what his grandmother likes to call daycare), he had artwork in his cubby. His first artwork!!! I scanned it so I could share it here:

I'm so proud! :-)

This will be a short entry because I have a lot to do and not a lot of time and Ed had to go help his sister and brother-in-law move some furniture. William is being very gracious right now in allowing me this time to blog. He's in his jumperoo watching Clark (our cat). He LOVES Clark, and it's only been in the last few weeks that he's taken an interest in Clark. It's only going to be a matter of time before Clark gets close and William decides to reach out and grab a chunk of fur. That should be interesting! So far, Clark will sniff William and hang out near him. But it's probably more for our attention than because he likes William.

Anyway, I was going to take a picture yesterday of William in a really cute outfit that mom (Baba) got for William--denim overalls with a cute lion on them and a shirt with lions on it for underneath. But as soon as we got home yesterday, William had a big blow-out poop, and poop got all over the outfit. Oh well. I'll try next time!

Here's the sleep stats:
Thursday night, he nursed at 6:20 and fell asleep, and then nursed/slept until 7:00. Then we did bath around 7:50, and I nursed him at 8:05, and he was asleep in the crib at 8:30. I didn't take notes, so I'm a little fuzzy, but he woke up around 12:30, so I picked him up and rocked him with his paci and put him down. Then he woke up at 2:25, so I nursed him and put him back. I think he woke up again shortly after I put him down, but I'm not sure. Might have been after the earlier waking. I think I put him down at 3:00, and then he woke up at 4:00, and then I had to rock him and put him down several times between 4:00 and 5:10, but then he slept from 5:10 until 6:30.

Last night (Friday night), we did bath at 7:20, then nursed and he went down at 8:00, woke up at 8:30 and went back to sleep quickly when I rocked him with his paci. He slept until about midnight. Then I rocked him with his paci again (might have had to do it twice) and he slept until almos 4 a.m.! Then I nursed him and put him down at 4:30 and he woke up at 5:30 wanting to play. I let him play in his crib for a while, and then finally rocked him back to sleep at 6:30, but he was up at 7 for good!

A good week

It's been a good week so far. (Hope I'm not jinxing it!) William is over his cold/s (finally!) and it seems like we're making some progress on sleep. I think I figured out that he sleeps better at night if he takes a little snooze when he gets home from daycare (especially if he hasn't had an afternoon nap at daycare). It sounds kind of obvious, but I was struggling with when bedtime should be--if he napped that late in the evening, would he sleep at night? Should I put him to sleep really early? When should I feed him? If he falls asleep should I wake him for his bath? Etc. etc. Plus if he goes to bed too early, Ed and I won't get to spend any time with him. I guess it just takes a while to work out all the kinks. And of course, when I've figured it all out, he'll go and change everything again!

As I nursed him tonight, though, I was just filled with a sense of awe and love--I know, totally corny. But it's a fierce, consuming love that makes you feel really joyful. That's the best way I can describe it. He is growing so fast and learning so much, and it's so neat to watch a life unfold in front of your very eyes. It's also overwhelming to be totally and completely responsible for another human being. I don't know how single parents do it, because if I didn't have Ed, I don't know what I'd do!

Okay--now for the sleep saga. (I decided to move this to the end of my posts so that the interesting--and that's a relative term--stuff is in the beginning, and you can skip this stuff!) Anyway, last night, after going to sleep at 7:30, William woke up at 8:30 and I rocked him with his paci and put him right back down; then he woke up at about 5 minutes later, and I did the same thing (but rocked him a little longer); then he woke up at 9:35, and I did the same thing; then he woke up at 10:30, and I did the same thing. Then he slept until 2:30 (yea!), and I nursed him, and put him down at 3:00, and then he slept until 6:00 (yea!) when I nursed him again.

Tonight, he nursed at 6:20 and fell asleep, and then nursed/slept until 7:00. Then we did bath around 7:50, and I nursed him at 8:05, and he was asleep in the crib at 8:30.

I love it when . . .

First: the sleep saga update! After going to sleep at 8:15 last night (Tuesday night), he woke up at 12:15, so I picked him up and rocked him with his paci and put him back down (took maybe 5 minutes). Then he woke up at 3:20 (that's almost 8 hours between feedings!) and I nursed him and put him back in his crib at 3:45 or so. Then he woke up again at 5:30 and I nursed him again and put him back in his crib at 6:00 and he got up at 7:00. So not too bad.

Tonight, I don't think things will go as well because he didn't take his little snooze after coming home and he was exhausted. He only took 2 45-minute naps today, the last one from 1:15 to 2:00. I tried to nurse him at 6:20 (he had last eaten at 2:50), but he only nursed for a few minutes before popping off. Don't know what's going on there--that seems to be becoming a habit. But anyway, by 7:00 he was really tired, so we went ahead with his bath and I gave him a formula bottle at 7:15 and he fell asleep while drinking it, so I kept waking him up until he finished and then put him in his crib. He fussed, though, so I picked him up and gave him his paci and rocked him for about 1 minute and then put him down and he didn't even move.

(I'm sure the sleep saga portion of my posts are very boring and tedious, but they've already helped me a lot. It's hard to remember from day to day what's going on. So this way, I'm keeping track. I should also mention that I stopped eating dairy this past weekend--Saturday or Sunday--and started William with Soy formula again. And I also stopped giving him cereal. I might start cereal again in a few weeks, but too many things were coinciding with his sleep issues, and he didn't consistently like it anyway.)

Now for the good stuff: I seem to always post about the traumas and difficulties of parenthood and to skip the good stuff. I don't want anyone to get the impression that I don't enjoy being a mother. I love it! I especially love it when:

William wakes up in the morning and I go in to get him and sing "Good Morning! Have a Happy Day" (a song I learned in preschool) and he gives me this huge toothless grin.
I see him learn new skills right before my eyes--like grabbing things and rolling over.

He's nursing and let's go, looks up at me with his big, puppy dog eyes, and grins, like we're in on some big secret together.

He sees his daddy and grins and grins and can't stop staring at him. He LOVES his daddy.

He sleeps in my arms or on my chest.

He tries to grab my elbow and eat it while I'm changing his diaper.

He takes a bath and scoots down in the little tub so that his head is in the water.

He "talks."

He smiles and "talks" to other people.

He sleeps! :-)

Speaking of sleeping, since he's sleeping now, and Ed has gone to his gig tonight, I'm going to get ready for bed, read my Real Simple magazine, and go to sleep myself. I hope we have a good night!

Was it worth it?

Before I get to the reason for my title, let me just give an update on William's sleep saga. After putting himself to sleep last night, he slept for 6 HOURS!!!!!! That's only the third time he's done that. He woke up at 2:30, I nursed him, put him down at 3:00, he woke up at 4:00, and then between 4 and 5:30 he woke up several times and I had to keep rocking him with his paci. Finally, at 5:30 I nursed him and he slept from 6-7. So tonight, he nursed at 6:15 and fell asleep for about 20 minutes. Then we did bath at 7:15, I tried nursing again at 7:30, but he kept popping off, but still seemed hungry, so I made a 4-oz. bottle of formula. He ate that, and then I burped him and put him in his crib awake. He rolled around for about 10 minutes or so and then got a little fussy, so I tried nursing him again. He sucked for about 5 minutes and then started falling asleep, so I put him back in his crib. After a few minutes he fussed again, so I picked him up and rocked him with the paci. I'm so mad at myself for giving him the paci, though. I should have seen if he would go without it first. I also think when I picked him up, he was almost asleep anyway. I should have let him go a minute or two more. Oh well. We'll see what happens.

Now for the title of this post: Was it worth it? Someone on one of the Babycenter.com message boards posed this question about all the baby gear we've accumulated. So here's my list of items that were worth it:

FP Aquarium Swing
Bouncy seat (although I wish we had a real "bouncy" seat and not the rocker we chose)
Summer Infant Video Monitor (couldn't live without this)
Baby Bjorn (William didn't like it at first, but by 3.5 months, indispensable)
Pack 'n' play with the tall changing table (but the bassinet part was not worth it. William never slept in it!)
Symphony in Motion mobile
Shapes on Board Sassy brand toys
Car mirror with animals on it (not just plain mirror)
Baby Einstein Discover and Play Activity Gym
Graco Travel System
Sassy Me in the Mirror toy
My Breast Friend (also couldn't live without)
Using a dresser as changing table
Large Bibs
Burp cloths
Balmex
Medala Pump In Style
Dutalier Glider (totally worth it!!!)
Lands End diaper backpack
Tinkle, Crinkle, rattle and squeak plush worm toy

Not worth it:
Bumbo (not for $40 anyway)
The bag-style gowns (William always kicked them with his feet so that they would pull on his neck)
Sleep positioner
Swaddle blankets
Small bibs that are too decorative
Desitin (it stinks!)
Any kind of sling carrier
Medela hands-free pumping kit (waaaaay too complicated)
Bathtub hammock

That's about all I can think of for now!

Miracle or fluke?

Well, the saga continues. Last night, after going through a few bouts of trying to let William cry and him getting soooo upset, I decided that I just can't do CIO right now, and that I would change tactics. I would try to get to him as soon as he started fussing/crying and pick him up and rock him back to sleep. So that's what I did at 8:30, 9:30, 10:30, and 11:30 (and all those times it just took a minute or two to get him back to sleep and I was able to put him back in his crib with no problem), and at 12:45, I nursed him and put him in his crib at 1:30, and then he slept until 4:30. Progress!

Tonight, after his bath, I tried nursing, but he didn't want to nurse (another fear--that's he's beginning to reject the breast), so I gave him 4 oz. of breastmilk in a bottle. But he was still restless and awake after that, so I made a 4-oz. formula bottle, and he drank about 3 oz., but he was still restless and awake and kept twisting in my lap and wouldn't nurse. So finally, I put him in his crib and he played (rolled over and over, squirmed all around) for about 15 minutes and then fell asleep. I could hardly believe it. He has NEVER done that. Do you think he was rewarding me for changing tactics? Pretty crazy. I'm sure it won't happen again any time soon (can't get my hopes up), but I'm reveling in the feeling of it tonight!

Check out this picture:

Did you think it was William? Nope--that's Ed! What a resemblence, huh? Here's another one, when Ed was 8 months old:

And finally, here are some scans of William's 3-month pictures:

I'll let you know how he does tonight!

How do you know?

I'm constantly asking myself that question--"How do you know?" As in, how do you know what's wrong with him? How do you know whether or not he's sick, or he's hungry, or he's just mad? Does he just not feel good? Is he just protesting being in his crib? Or sleeping in general? Or does he have an ear infection? Or is he teething? I just can't seem to get a grip on this child of mine. I wish I could figure him out.

The "experts" say about crying-it-out to make sure there isn't any medical reason for his waking up and crying. Well how do I know if he's crying because he hurts? I can't stand the thought of him crying and crying because he doesn't feel good, and me just ignoring him. I've been letting him cry a little, and at first, I could go in and soothe him back to sleep in the crib. But now, he gets so upset, I can hardly soothe him when I pick him up. So is this because he's sick? Or because he doesn't want to be in the crib? I know I keep asking the same questions over and over. I just don't know what to do. Ultimately, if he's crying because he can't self-soothe, it would be better for all of us if I made him cry it out, because he could finally start getting some solid sleep. (And so could I!!!) I might take him to the doctor tomorrow and make sure he doesn't have an ear infection and that he's not teething. And I'll talk to the doctor about crying it out. At his four-month appt., I felt rushed and didn't get to talk about everything I wanted. So if I can get an appointment with my favorite doctor, I'm going to take William in.

One day, I'll write a post that's not ALL about William. Maybe it will be philosophical and funny and smart. Probably not until I get more sleep though. I hope we have a decent night. (Notice I didn't even say "good" night. At this point, I'd be totally happy with decent!)

Mommy brain

Today I had a total mommy brain incident. We started Itsy Bitsy Yoga today, which is a yoga class for moms (or dads) and their babies. The class is on Wisconsin Avenue, and I looked up the directions and wrote it all down, and then promptly made my way to Connecticut Avenue and spent 20 minutes walking all around asking everyone where 2143 Conn. Ave. was. I knew it was Wisconsin Ave., I had it on a piece of paper in my hand. And there I was on Conn. Ave. Duh! It finally dawned on me, and we got to class about 20 minutes late. Oh well. Chalk another one up to sleep deprivation.

The class was pretty cool, though. Because I'm too tired to describe it, here's what the Web site says:
Itsy Bitsy Yoga^® for BABIES with a Parent/Caregiver
Ages: newborn to almost crawling
Itsy Bitsy Yoga is a calming and nurturing yoga practice, filled with ways to enhance bonding and make babies happier and more comfortable in their bodies. This class contains dozens of unique yoga postures designed by Helen Garabedian, an Infant Developmental Movement Educator and yoga teacher, specifically to soothe and support the development of a baby's body. During the BABY Itsy Bitsy Yoga class, the baby is mostly lying on her tummy or back or in a parent's arms. For parents, this class gives the special time necessary to bond with and learn about your baby's emerging personality. Most of the yoga we do in Itsy Bitsy Yoga is for the child, but you will learn breathing and relaxation techniques, as well as practice some yoga yourself. (No yoga experience is required.)

So William did okay. He did not like being on his back, but enjoyed the poses we did sitting up and on our feet (face-out of course!) About 10 minutes before the class ended, he got really fussy and I rocked him to sleep. Then he slept the whole car ride home. I need to figure out how to work out the day so that he's not hungry or tired during the class. Good luck, right?

Anyway, he took another nap later in the afternoon, but when he woke up, he totally freaked out. Or maybe I should say I totally freaked out because he was crying inconsolably. It was horrible. I don't know if it was teething, or he's getting an ear infection, or what. I finally nursed him, and that calmed him down. He might have just been hungry, but he has never cried like that out of hunger before. After he nursed, though, he was happy as a clam.

Tonight, things are not going very well, but I'll save it for another post. Just more of the same, really. Having a baby that doesn't sleep is the hardest thing ever. You just can't even imagine it unless you have to deal with it. Wish me luck tonight!

Rough Night (What else is new?)

William had such a rough night last night. It wasn't that he slept less than usual. He just cried so much more than usual. And he was really crying--not his usual fussy cry. And my tricks to get him to go to sleep just weren't working. He was really cranky all day today, too. Ed stayed home with him and said the only time he wasn't fussing or crying was when he was in his baby bjorn. He did take a two-hour nap this morning and about a one-hour nap from about 5-6. That's more sleep than he usually gets during the day. His fussiness could be because:

1. He's sick (still has stuffy nose and cough, but no fever; not sure about this, though, because he's been sick plenty and never acted like this before. Plus, his symptoms were worse two or three nights ago)
2. Reaction to his immunization shots (although he had the shots Wednesday so that doesn't seem likely)
3. Super gassy/crampy from an intolerance to dairy (he's been passing a lot of gas and burping a lot and even spitting up, which is unusual for him)
4. Teething (he's sticking his fingers in his mouth an awful lot, although I don't see any visible signs of teeth--no bumps or noticable redness)

So to cover all my bases, I gave him Tylenol for teething/achiness; Mylicon gas drops for gas; and soy formula for the dairy intolerance (although this will be harder because it will take about a week for dairy to work its way out of my system, and I'm not going to quit breastfeeding for a week). He drank 4 oz. of formula at around 7:30, and fell asleep at 7:53 and I put him in his crib at 8:15 (asleep with pacifier). We'll see what happens. I can handle him waking up all the time, but I hate hate hate hearing him cry like that.

Anyway, I took pictures of him yesterday in his Jumperoo that Aunt Anne and Uncle Greg got for him:

Too cute!

Worn Out

I am so tired, so this post will be short. William is feeling better, but he's getting tougher to put down to sleep. He can be so impossible sometimes. He absolutely hates to sleep and anything associated with sleep. There's never been a tried and true way to get him to fall asleep. Something will work for a week or so, but them it's like he figures out what I'm doing (that I'm trying to get him to go to sleep), and then he won't have any part of it. When he was born, I could give him my pinky to suck on, and that worked. Then I could give him my pinkie and pat his but while he laid on top of me, which worked for a while. But then he stopped sleeping on top of me. The swing worked for a little while. Then it was breastfeeding. (That pretty much always works, but it takes forever, because I have to wait until he is deeply asleep before moving him.) Then I could hold him upright and sway back and forth, but that stopped working. Then I could cradle him against me and give him the pacifier and rock/bounce him, but now he hardly lets me do that at all. Now I've been either shushing him when he lays in his crib, or giving him my pinkie to suck on while he's in the crib. But tonight, he put up a big fight and the shushing didn't work at all and he cried several bouts before my pinkie worked. For his naps, my new technique is to hold him and rock with him and give him the pacifier. Not too original, but it's working. He puts up a little fuss, but usually not much before falling asleep. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before that stops working completely, too. Even at daycare they're having a hard time. At first, they would bounce him in the sassy (bouncy seat), but they said that doesn't work anymore. I don't even know how they do it now. Tonight I gave him the pacifier, and that worked. He usually spits it out and gets mad that I even tried to give it to him. Go figure. Now I'm probably going to have to deal with it falling out all the time. Ugh.

Anyway, I forgot to post William's four-month stats yesterday! He weighs 12 pounds, 11 ounces, and he's 24 inches long. (When he was born he was 7 lbs., 10 oz., and 20 inches.) He's still kind of a peanut. But hopefully he's getting what he needs.

I'm signing off. It's only 10:15 and William is already having a terrible night. I don't know if something is wrong, or if he just doesn't want to sleep in his crib. Poor guy. I can't stand to hear him cry.

William is 4 months old today!

What a day for poor William. He feels like crap and then he has to go get four shots! And then his mom drags him to a kids consignment store. He's a trooper, though! He did very well considering. And I only spent a few minutes at the consignment shop. I need some fall clothes for him and found a pair of khaki cargo pants, and a little pants/cardigan outfit ($12 for both!). I don't have any cooler weather clothes in the 3-6 month size, which is what he's wearing. I found an 0n-line shop called Worn But Not Forgotten and ordered a bunch of stuff from there. Hopefully that will tide us over for a while!

Anyway, the doctor checked William out and his cold is just a cold, thank goodness. No ear infection and his respiratory infection isn't too severe. He wasn't sick enough not to get his shots, so that's good. Probably not from his perspective, though. The rest of the day was okay, but I'm a little worried that he'll get dehydrated. He isn't eating very well. I guess I should look up the signs of dehydration so I can pay attention.

I'm also mad at myself because I didn't take a picture of him today. I've been trying to get a picture of him every month. Oh well, guess I'll have to take it tomorrow. He was pretty clingy today and hardly let me put him down at all. It probably wouldn't have been a great picture anyway. So since I don't have a picture of him today, here's one from him on my birthday (June 29) that I love:

He's so cute! Okay, William's sleeping, so I should be, too.

Sick baby and daycare decision

William has a bad cold (at least I hope it's just a cold) and I feel so awful for him. He's all stuffed up, and coughing, and the phleghm makes him gag and spit up (and he almost NEVER spits up!). He's had a cold off and on for four weeks now (since he started daycare) but this is the worst he's been. He's going to the doctor tomorrow for his 4-month checkup, so at least they'll be able to check him out. He probably won't get his immunizations, though, which means I'll have to take him back. Oh well.

As for daycare, we decided to switch him. I just have to go with my gut on this one. I visited the new one again this morning and I really liked what I saw. As I already said, there are fewer babies, and it seems like they pay more attention to keeping germs from spreading. And it sounds like they give the babies a little more one-on-one interaction. And I can visit him during the day whenever I want! We won't start until October 2, so we have a few more weeks, yet.

As for sleeping, William didn't do so great last night, but he was congested and couldn't breathe. The night before wasn't too bad, though. What I'm struggling with most, now, is some kind of routine for the morning. Since's he's all over the place at night, he never eats or wakes up at the same time. So I never know when he'll "wake up" for the day. Ideally, I could wake up at 6:00 a.m., get myself all ready, then he would wake up at 6:30, I could nurse him, and we could leave the house by 7:15. So far, that hasn't really worked, though.

Well, he's sleeping now, but he didn't eat much. He did have a tablespoon of rice cereal at 5:45, though, so that's good. He wouldn't eat any last night. We'll see how tonight goes. I don't have high expectations, that's for sure!

Daycare Decisions

The daycare center that is close to my office called and they have an opening for William starting October 2. So now I have to decide if we should move William out of his current daycare or not. It's great that I have a choice, but sometimes it's so much easier to have things decided for you.

The new daycare is smaller--only 10 babies versus 15 at his current place. Because it's in the building where I park my car, William would spend less time overall in daycare--about 8.25 hours, versus the 9+ hours where he is now. It's close to my office, so I could visit him during the day. And if anything were to happen, I'd be close by. And the new center gets RAVE reviews by our friends who have their baby girl there. It's also NAEYC accredited.

The disadvantages are that I would be solely responsible for drop-off and pick-up. (Ed works in Virginia in the opposite direction.) I'd have to bring him to the Hill even if I planned to stay home or had a Dr.'s appointment (or keep him at home). Even though he'd spend less time in daycare, he'd be in the car longer, and he's not crazy about the car. And he's already adjusted to his current daycare. Would he have a hard time adjusting to the new center?

I think I'm leaning towards putting him in the new center. I really like the idea of fewer babies. My friend says they're really on top of keeping things clean (and 5 fewer babies means less germs to spread!) and they spend a lot of time playing and interacting with the babies. I like my current center, and I love William's primary care provider, but when she leaves, I'm not sure he gets much attention. Usually, when I go to pick him up, he's in a bouncy seat, and one of the aids is just bouncing him with her foot, not even really talking to him or anything. Couldn't she be reading to him? Or showing him a toy or something? It's not like she's doing anything else. Just staring off into space, looking like she'd rather be somewhere else. I guess that just make me uneasy. Of course, I'm only getting bits and pieces of his day. I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much. But things just sometimes seem so rote at his current place.

It's hard enough putting him in daycare at all. And I'm so lucky that he has adjusted so well and hasn't had any real problems. But I want to make sure to make the very best decision for him. I'm plagued by doubts sometimes about my decision to work. I have such a good job, though. And while we could make it without my paycheck, it would be really tough, and we couldn't really save, and we wouldn't be able to buy a house in our area. My desire for financial security outweighs my doubts about putting William in daycare, I guess. Before William was born, I had visions of starting my own editing service and working from home. Ed created a Web site for me, and I have done some editing work on the side. But honestly, working for myself is not for me. First of all, it's close to impossible for me to work at home when William is there. And second of all, I hate marketing, and that's probably the most important thing I need to do to get business. And third of all, I don't actually feel all that confident in my editing skills. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I don't actually know all the grammar rules and I always have to look things up. Anyway, I wish I could continue to have my current job, but just work 9-3. Or I wish I could take 6 months off, instead of just three. I mean, you need the first 4 months to figure things out, and then the next 2 to enjoy them. European countries are so much more civilized! In most countris, 6 months leave is mandatory!

Well, that's enough for now. I'm visiting the new center in the morning and then we have to decide.

Adams Morgan Day

Today was Adams Morgan Day, a street festival in the DC Adams Morgan neighborhood. Ed's band played, so Ed's parents and his sister came over and we all went together. William did really really well. We even went out for lunch afterwards. I was really bummed, though, because I forgot his hat and sunscreen, so I couldn't carry him in the baby bjorn. But he did okay in the stroller. And we tried to stick to shady areas. He actually fell asleep right after Ed started playing and didn't wake up until they were done. So much for my visions of William watching daddy play his clarinet! Anyway, here are some pictures. I'll be back tomorrow.

BTW--last night, William went down at 8 p.m., then up at 8:30, and back down in 10 minutes by shushing; woke up at 11:30 and I nursed in back to sleep, but he woke up 5 minutes later, so I got him back to sleep by letting him suck my finger (about 12:20 a.m.) and he woke up at 4 a.m., and I nursed him, and then up at around 6. I nursed him again and thought he would go back to sleep, but he didn't. Oh well!

So much to do . . . so little time

I feel overwhelmed sometimes by all the things I want to do that never get done. Starting with housework and just trying to keep the place clean. Thank GOD Ed is a neat freak and does most of the straightening up! We've talked about getting a housekeeper, but we decided it would need to come from my budget, so I'm trying to figure out if we can really afford it. It's amazing how much money we spend on stuff for William. I am guilty of wasting quite a bit of money, too. But live and learn.

Another thing I want to stay on top of is pictures! I'm going to go get the camera right now and download the pictures that are sitting in the memory card. I'll be back!


Well, so far so good. As you can see from the picture above (taken just a few days ago!), I uploaded the pictures to my computer. I also pumped, cleaned the downstairs bathroom, and got the laundry going. And William is on his second nap. His first was about 45 minutes. His second probably won't be much longer. You never know though. Now I need to enter my bank account info into Quicken. I'll be back.

Still a productive day so far. William has already had 4 naps and it's 3:30 (but they were all 45 minutes or less). I wish I could get him to consolidate. Last night went well, by the way. He went down at 8, woke up at 8:40 and after a few attempts, we got him to sleep at 9:00 by shushing him (after he had cried for 3 minutes). Then he didn't get up until 2:30! I put him back down at 3, he woke up at 5, back down at 5:30, and then up at 6:30. I went ahead and got up since that's what we would do during the week.

Anyway, we also went to Babies-R-Us. Many I can drop a ton of $$$ there. I think we're going through about a pack of diapers a week, so that comes to about $60/month. I also end up spending a lot on bottle parts and pumping parts. It all adds up quickly.

Well, I guess that's enough for today. Here are three pictures of William: at (from left, right, bottom) 1 month, 2 months, and 3 months:

William rolled over!

This morning, William rolled completely over from his back to his stomach! I'm so proud of him. It seems silly to be proud of a baby for doing something that just comes naturally. But that's how I feel. I guess he has been practicing at night!

Speaking of the night, he had another not so great night last night. Maybe it's because I've been nursing him before bed instead of giving him a bottle? Or is it because we had rice cereal again last night? I really need to start charting his sleep and all of the factors associated with it, like whether he nursed or took a bottle; whether the bottle was breastmilk or formula; what I ate; what time he went down; how many naps/how long that day; whether or not he pooped. It seems hopeless tp try to figure it all out. I'm still not sure whether or not he has a reaction to dairy foods. He's seemed more gassy the last couple of nights, but that might have more to do with the fact that he hasn't pooped in three days. But why hasn't he pooped in three days? Is he just adjusting his poop schedule? Or is it something in my diet? Today I sent him to daycare with a regular formula bottle. I've been giving him soy formula, trying to gauge whether or not dairy affects him. We'll see what happens.

Let me see if I can remember how last night went down. I nursed him and put him in his crib (asleep) at 8:00; he woke up around 9:00, and I nursed him back to sleep (I was afraid he hadn't eaten enough the first time); he woke up again around 10:30, but went right back to sleep when I let him suck my finger; woke up at 1:20 a.m., and I nursed him asleep again and put him in his crib at 1:45, but he woke up about 10-20 minutes later (this is where it starts getting foggy) really restless, flipping all around, talking, fussing. I think I nursed him again and put him back in his crib. He woke up again at some point, and I changed his diaper and his outfit (he had peed out of his diaper a little bit). It might have been at around 4:45? I nursed him at around 5 a.m., and then put him back in his crib at 5:30, and he slept until 7:30. I really need to start writing it down at night. I should keep a pad of paper and a pen in his room.

I really can't believe how fast William is growing and changing. This morning I moved the straps on the his carseat because he had outgrown the smaller setting! And he's sitting up in his stroller now, instead of in the carseat. And he's starting cereal. (Although last night didn't go as well as the first night. He wasn't really eating it. Maybe because I mixed it with formula instead of breastmilk? How do I know if he's really ready for it or not? I guess I'll keep trying for a few more nights at least.) And now he's rolling over. I think about all of the things we used to do when he was "little," like how he used to sleep on top of me (and how he'd nap for at least an hour or two! Those were the days!); how I used to be able to nurse him, and then go lie down with him and give him my finger to suck, and he'd go right to sleep; how I used to BEG him to please latch onto my breast correctly, and to stay awake; how he fought sleep (well, he still does that!); how he didn't like his baths until I figured out he wanted to be in the water, and not sitting on the sling! It's amazing to watch them change and grow. And it's crazy that I'm a mother.

Okay, I should really go work now. I'm planning to write a post about what motherhood has taught me thus far, and also one titled, "I love it when . . ." (Something to look forward to, right?)

Not a good start

So far today SUCKS and it's only 9:16. William did not have a very good night, we didn't get out the door until 8:00 a.m., which means I didn't get to work until 9:00 a.m., which means I can't leave until 5:00 p.m., which means William will be in daycare for over 9 hours today. And I forgot my bottle liners for the breast pump so I have nothing to collect my milk in. This really bites.

William woke up at 8:30 p.m. last night, then 11:30, then 2:30 (I nursed him), then 3:20, then 4:45, then 6:00 (I nursed him), and up for the day at 7:30. He just couldn't seem to settle himself back to sleep. He kept pushing himself onto his side and then rolling onto his back. A couple of times, he went from his side back to his stomach, so that's new. Maybe he was "practicing" a new skill? Or maybe it was gas? He seemed a little uncomfortable a couple of times and pumped his legs and passed gas. Is it because I haven't been diligent about not eating dairy? Or something else I've been eating? Did it have to do with the cereal I gave him last night? I just can't figure him out.

And now I don't know what to do about pumping. I can't go all day without pumping. I'll explode. I guess I'll drive to Safeway and see if they have liners. Maybe my boss won't even miss me. Ugh--this sucks. Maybe they have extra collection bags at the nurses station. I'll go check there first. Be back later!

Update--I went to a little market around the corner and they had Playtex bottle liners. Not the drop-in kind, but they'll do. I pumped 4 ounces from my right side and 1 from my left. At least I can pump. Things are looking up. I also ordered a different hand pump and a hands-free bra, so I can do more when I pump. I only pump now for about 15 minutes, and I should probably pump for 30. So I need to be able to be productive if I'm going to pump for that long. Gotta go do some work now!

Big Day

William had his first rice cereal tonight and it was a big hit! I also took him on a walk in his stroller with him facing front (instead of in his carseat) and he seemed to really enjoy that, too! Big day, huh?

I'm not sure what made me decide to give him cereal tonight, but after our walk, I put him in his rocker seat and mixed up some cereal and started feeding him. It was about 6:15 or 6:30, and I wasn't sure if I should nurse him first and then try cereal, or do cereal first. He didn't seem too hungry, so I went ahead with the cereal. He seemed to really like it, and started fussing for the next bite, like I couldn't shove it in fast enough. I didn't measure how much I gave him, but it was probably about a tablespoon or two. When he started really fussing, I went ahead and nursed him. Pretty successful first feeding, all in all. I just wish Ed had been there. But he had to work late.

After eating, he started to fall asleep, so I took him outside to walk around a little. Then we came back in and I started his bath around 7:10. I nursed him at around 7:30 and he fell asleep after about 5 minutes, so I put him in his crib at 7:40. He woke up as I moved him, but didn't protest and went right back to sleep.

He woke up at 8:30, though, and I tried giving him my finger to suck on and tried shushing him, but that didn't work so I went ahead and nursed him. He fell asleep after about 5-10 minutes, so I put him back in his crib. This time he fussed, so I let him cry for 3 minutes, came back in and offered my finger, and he went right to sleep (8:45). I hope we have a good night!

My very first blog!

I've been inspired to start a blog, even though in some ways, I feel a little egotistical doing so. I mean, do I think I'm so important that other people would want to read my thoughts? But on the other hand, I love reading other people's blogs, and it's a great way for family and friends to stay up to date. Plus I've always loved journaling, even though I never seem to make time to do it. So here I am!

The most exciting thing going on in my life right now is our baby boy, William! He was born on May 13 and is a joy to behold. Parenting has been more challenging than I ever imagined. I grew up babysitting and worked as a nanny for two years before graduate school, but nothing really prepared me for my new role. I thought I would be a more laid back mother--able to take everything in stride. But boy was I wrong! Most of the time I feel like an emotional, anxious wreck. Everything seems like a big deal, from breastfeeding, to William's sleep habits, even his poops! I LOVE being a mother, though, even if I'm doing everything wrong!

William seems to take everything in stride, though, even if I don't. He is a very alert baby and loves watching the world go by. The bouncy seat and playmat are entertaining only for so long. He'd much rather talk to his parents or grandparents, or walk around outside in his baby bjorn (or being held face out!). The stroller is okay, but only for so long before he wants a better view. He hates to sleep (I guess he doesn't want to miss anything), and fights it every step of the way. When we're out and about, he'll fall asleep sitting up in our arms, in spite of himself! As for his development, he's right in line for his sixteen weeks. He coos and has just started laughing/squealing in delight; he holds his head up and pushes his upper body up with his arms; he can roll from his stomach to his back (but not from back to stomach); he's grabbing toys and bringing them to his mouth; and he's recently started to grab his feet. He LOVES "The Wheels on the Bus" song, and "100 Years" by Five for Fighting. (He likes for me to sing Wheels on the Bus, but NOT 100 Years! Go figure!) And he LOVES his daddy. He saves his best smiles for daddy.

I guess that's enough for now!

Oh yeah--I want to keep track of William's sleep since we've been struggling so much with it, so this is as good a place as any! I guess I'll start with last night. Ed gave him his bath at around 7:00 and I nursed him until about 7:30. He had stopped drinking, so instead of waiting for him to fall fast asleep like I usually do, I went ahead and put him in his crib. He started fussing and I tried giving him my finger to suck on, and then the pacifier, but that didn't work. So I went ahead and let him cry (more like fussing than crying) for about 3 minutes. Then I went back in and tried to give him my finger again, but it didn't work. I think I even tried picking him up and rocking him, but that didn't work either, so I put him back down and let him cry for 5 more minutes. He got quiet for a few seconds a couple of times, so that was encouraging, but after 5 minutes of fussing/crying, I went back in and tried my finger again. Still didn't work, so I leaned down and Shhhhhh'd him, and it worked! He was asleep in just a few minutes, at about 8:10 p.m. Yea! He slept until 1:20 a.m., and I went and nursed him and put him back in his crib about 1:45 a.m. I'm a little fuzzy after that, but at about 3:30, he was thrashing around and making a lot of noise, but not fussing or crying, so I just waited, and then he started talking/cooing. So I got up and he had rolled himself onto his back and was just playing and cooing and having a good time! So I picked him up and changed his diaper and tried to rock him back to sleep, but I ended up nursing him and finally got him back in his crib around 4:30 a.m. Then he woke up again at 5:20, and I was able to give him my finger to suck on, and he slept until 7:00 a.m. I really wish I could get him to stop waking up so much in the wee hours of the morning! Maybe one day!