Quick Birthday Party Recap

Seth enjoyed his first birthday party on Sunday, despite the fact that his top two teeth are finally poking through. Thanks to my mom, the party was a success! Definitely would not have been able to do it without her--what was I thinking? But all's well that ends well. I didn't take nearly enough pictures, but that's nothing new. But I got the most important ones--the birthday boy enjoying his cake!
I ended up making his cake, and I'm glad I did. I wasn't too original--I went with the puppy theme, which was the same thing I did for William's first birthday. But a hit is a hit, right?

April Showers

William and Seth took a shower tonight, instead of a bath--for the first time! Our new shower is a walk-in, and William has been very curious about it, but not quite "brave" enough to actually take a shower. About a week ago, I convinced him to step in the shower to wash off his "privates" since he hates it when I have to wipe away his "business." He liked it, but didn't get his whole body wet.

Tonight, he wanted to put his poop from his diaper into the potty. I agreed, since I'm doing whatever I can to encourage pooping in the potty. He failed to tell me that his poop was, ahem, mushy. (Note to self--next time, check before pursuing that option!) So here I was, trying to empty the dirty diaper into the toilet while simultaneously trying to keep Seth from putting his hands in the toilet and grabbing the poop, while also trying to keep William still until I had a chance to wipe him. I'm sure it was a funny scene from the outside. (If you like potty humor!)

William was not cooperating when it came time to wipe his privates, so I asked him if he wanted to stand in the shower to clean himself off. He said yes, so we went to our bathroom and I turned on the shower. William got in and let the water clean him off (with a little help from a wash cloth). Meanwhile, Seth also got in and had a great time getting completely drenched in the shower. When William saw Seth getting completely wet, he decided to try it, too. And he loved it! After a few minutes, he asked me to take Seth out and close the shower door! I obliged after soaping them both up and rinsing them off, and William enjoyed a ten-minute shower by himself while Seth played in our bathroom. I wonder how often he'll want to shower versus taking a bath? Lucky for him, I'm okay with either option. The milestones just keep on coming, don't they!

Seth's Birthday--Earth Day

We had a great day today, although we paid little attention to the fact that it was Earth Day. I feel pangs of guilt, but next year we will do better. Instead, we met up today with Julie, Bill, and Lana of My Life with Roundface. We went to a mall and the kids played in the play area and made Build-a-Bears and then we ate lunch together. It was so great to see them and to catch up, although it was challenging, of course, with three kids under 3 in the mix! I'm sure I seemed so disjointed and disorganized. Seth managed to get a big goose egg on his head at Build-a-Bear. He was fine in a matter of minutes, but his head doesn't look so good! Poor guy. William was obsessed with a tractor that was parked in the middle of the mall. I let him sit on it, and he was in 7th heaven.

They also had a play area with a bunch of those little cars and helicopters that move all around when you put quarters in them. William sat in all of them, and would have been content to stay there for the rest of the day.

Lana watched William like he had two heads, which totally made me laugh. I know Lana--I don't get it either! It was fun to eat lunch with them, and all the kids were great. Julie is pregnant and looks fantastic. I feel like such a jerk, though, because I didn't even ask her about her father. He's battling lung cancer, and they came to the east coast to visit with him. It's just so hard sometimes with two kids to keep track of when you're out and about. It's hard to maintain coherenet thoughts in your head. At any rate, it was an awesome visit and made me wish that they still lived in the area. Hopefully we'll be able to visit them on the west coast some day. Julie has pictures, so hopefully she'll either post them or send them to me.

After we got home, we spent the rest of the day playing. The weather wasn't great, so we stayed inside. We made cupcakes for Seth, and after dinner, we all sang Happy Birthday and ate cupcakes. I finally got chair pictures after bath. They're not the best, but better than nothing. Here's the best of the lot:

So all in all, a great day! I can't believe it was just a year ago that Seth was born. A year makes such a huge difference in the life of a child. Both boys are so different--so grown up. Seth is now a toddler, and William is a "kid." I loved spending the day with them and am so grateful that I can do that--take the day off and not have to worry about it. While I really want time to slow down, I'm looking forward to seeing what the next year will bring.

Happy First Birthday Seth!

Dear Seth,

You made it! You have survived a whole year and we are so happy you're here. You are so happy and quick to laugh, and you go along with just about anything. When you were an itty bitty baby, I carried you around in a sling while we followed your big brother all around, and you were perfectly content to just hang out and sleep and watch William play.

As you've gotten older, you've shown us that you definitely have a mind of your own. You love to climb and explore and you have no fear--no sense of your limitations. You reach for the stars, and we love that about you. You aren't afraid to fall down, and you don't complain much when you do. You just get up and you keep on going. You are also quite determined when you set your mind on something--there's no distracting you. You love to play with all the things you're not supposed to--the toilet brush, the toilet paper, the glass bowls, my iPhone, the telephone, the remote control, anything your brother is playing with. You also love to steal your brother's sippy cups, and I have learned to make a sippy cup for you, too, whenever I make one for William.

You use a few signs, like "more" and "wash your hands," and you can say ball and cat, and when you see a dog, you pant. You are very outgoing and have very little stranger anxiety. You love your friends at school, and your teachers. Whenever I take you out of your car seat in the morning when we arrive at school, you get so excited and happy. You love especially love art--markers and crayons and paint. You like playdough, too, and I love how you'll put it to your mouth, just to see if I'm watching!

You get along with William so well, and tolerate so much abuse from him. He truly loves you and cares about you, but he's 3, and that means he's going to snatch toys from you and he'll push you down sometimes, and he'll get upset when you try to play with his toys. But every morning when he wakes up, he asks where you are. And he loves to play with you in the baby room at school every morning. And he really loves making you laugh--which isn't very hard at all!

You are such a joy, and you bring so much to our family. I have loved watching you grow and learn and become the little toddler that you are now. I can't wait to see more--to hear you talk, to watch you play with William, to find out what your favorite toys and books will be. You will change so much in the coming year, but you will always be my baby. I love how cuddly and sweet you are, how you giggle, how you throw a little fit when I take something away from you that you want. I hope that you will always feel our love for you and that you will always know how happy you make us. We love you, forever and always!

Mommy, Daddy, and William

So Much to Talk About, So Little Time

We had a pretty good weekend, found some new playgrounds, visited the fishing pond, closed on our house, went to CVS's Minute Clinic twice, and used a Neti Pot--all since my last post.

Yep--we've been busy. Today the cable guy came to install our cable Internet and phone package. I opted to set up the Internet myself, thus saving the $100 set-up fee, but that probably means it will be another week before I actually have the Internet at home, because I'm sure it won't work and I'll have to call the cable company, and I'll probably end up paying the damn fee anyway. But that might be a post for another day.

In the meantime, Seth will turn one TOMORROW, and I might not be able to post about it on his birthday. So when I do post about it, I will probably pre-date it so that it appears to have been posted on his birthday. Hope y'all won't mind!

As for our weekend and all that it entailed, Ed and I got our old house all cleaned up and in tip-top shape for the new owners on Saturday. We had the closing yesterday, and as of now, we are no longer home owners. After cleaning the old house on Saturday, the boys and I enjoyed the beautiful spring weather and went out to explore our new neighborhood. We found another tot lot close by, and then made our way to the elementary school, which has two fabulous playgrounds. The boys played on both of them and wore themselves out. We went back to the playgrounds on Sunday so they could play some more. Earlier on Sunday, Ed took William to check out the fish pond. And we also met many more neighbors. So far, life at the new house is pretty good.

As for the Minute Clinic at CVS, I have developed a sinus infection, so I went there after the closing on Monday to get an antibiotic. I had no wait at all, and the doctor was so nice. She even took me to the cold and allergy aisle and showed me some OTC remedies for head colds that would help prevent sinus infections. She recommended the Neti Pot! (More on that later.) It was such a great experience that I took William there after school so they could check his ears and throat and make sure nothing was amiss. I could have taken him to our pediatrician, but I always feel bad when I go there and they tell me, "It's just a virus." I feel like I'm wasting their time. Plus I would have had to wait for a later appt., and it was way more convenient to just drop by the CVS. The Minute Clinic is open on the weekends, too, so I will be taking advantage of that more often in the future! Yay for options.

As for the Neti Pot, I know someone reviewed one on a blog that I read not too long ago. I tried it last night, and it was not nearly as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. And it definitely cleared up the sinuses. They filled up again after 15 minutes, but it was nice while it lasted! And I will definitely do it daily whenever I get a cold to help prevent a sinus infection. It is worth it! If you've never heard of the Neti Pot, just Google it.

The boys had their pictures taken at school today. William smiled big, but Seth cried and cried. They did get a few shots of Seth where he wasn't flat-out crying (one by himself and one with Willaim), but he has a very pained expression on his face. Apparently, all of the babies were freaked out by the studio set-up. Seth was literally shaking when I put him down on the seat. Poor guy! I've been wanting to hire a professional photographer to take some pictures of the boys and some family shots in the great outdoors. Guess I need to pony up and do it!

So that's our update. Hopefully the next time I post, it will be from my home computer. Wish me luck!

Revisiting the Past, and Why I Blog

I was looking at my blog posts from this time two years ago, when William was about to turn one. I'm so happy that I have this diary to look back on, to help me remember how things were. I posted a "guest blog" back then that author Anna Quindlen had written, called "On Being Mom," and it bears rereading, in my book. Quindlen wrote,

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Megan wrote about this recently--about how to live in the moment, how to really feel the happiness and the joy and how to let go of the rest. It's really hard to do that when the daily grind just wears you down. But it's so so important. And blogging definitely helps. When Seth wakes up in the middle of the night, although I know that uninterrupted sleep is important and that teaching him to sleep is important, I also think about how he will never be this little again, and I will not always have this ability to be everything he needs, right when he needs it. He wants me to hold him, and I can. He wants a bottle, and I can give him that. He wants comfort, and that's my job. When William comes into our room at 5:00 in the morning and climbs on top of me and tries to snuggle his gangly, 3-year-old body into a comfortable position, I just hold him as close as I can. There will come a day when I won't get to snuggle like that with him anymore. When I won't be everything that he needs.

Parenting is so very hard. The responsibility is enormous and overwhelming. The worry, the guilt, the pressure, the stress. But the rewards are never-ending. The unconditional love, the cuteness, the hilarity, the pride, the joy, the sweet moments. My friend MJ wrote a beautiful post one, called "Life is Beautiful," in which she anticipated enjoying so many experiences the second time around through the eyes of her child. Such a great articulation of what makes parenting so wonderful.

So for now, I will keep blogging about my kids, about parenting, about my doubts and worries, and about the really happy moments. And I will read and reread these posts, because they help me to see how far I've come, to remember what it was like, and to feel the joy all over again.

"I Like My New House, Mommy!"

William has been telling us quite often that he likes his new house. I wonder when the novelty will wear off? Will he then decide that he's ready to go back to the old house? We stayed home yesterday because William caught the cold that Seth and I have been nursing. I thought he might have a bad day, but he ended up being fine. He's coughing a bit more today, but hopefully he'll be fine. Seth seems to be okay, and I'm feeling much better. So that's a relief.

Unfortunately, it rained all day yesterday, so we didn't get to explore our new neighborhood. But William figured out all the toys that he's missing, "Where's my excavator, Mommy? Where's my garbage truck? No--not that one, the big one! Where are my trains, Mommy?" The boy has ten gazillion toys, and he knows EXACTLY what's missing. Go figure. I didn't get a whole lot done with both boys home, but we did make a trip to Walmart, and I did make a note of some things we need and where I want certain things to go. I have a huge walk-in closet and have no idea how to organize it or what to put in there. My clothes only take up about 1/4th the space, so I think this definitely means I need more clothes. Right?

Meanwhile, Ed has continued to work like a machine, unpacking and breaking down boxes. He worked on his office last night after the boys went to bed. I know that he is so completely exhausted, and yet he is driven to get things in order. Of course, disorder drives him batty, so he is motivated. I, on the other hand, feel perfectly comfortable with half-emptied boxes all over the place and piles of stuff that have no homes yet. But in deference to him and how hard he's been working, I've been making a big effort to find places for things. My closet has become the temporary catch-all for things that don't have homes yet. Hope that doesn't become permanent!

Seth's first birthday is one week from today. How did that get here so quickly? He is gaining new skills left and right. He catches onto signs really quickly, so I want to work on signing with him much more. He can sign for "more," and "milk" and "all done." When I say we need to wash hands, he rubs his hands together. When I ask him what a doggie says, he pants. And whenever he sees a dog he pants. And his first word is "ball." I can't wait to see what he'll call William. He lives to climb on things, and definitely has a bit of the devil in him. I could go on, but I'll save it for his birthday post. And not long after that, William will turn 3. We will have a 3 year old! He's a kid now--no longer a toddler. Again--how did that happen? I can't wait to write their birthday posts. We are so fortunate to have two pretty amazing kids!

Settling In

The move was a success! Of course, it rained and rained and rained Saturday morning--the whole time we were moving. THE WHOLE TIME. When the movers finally finished and started putting the truck in order to leave, the rain stopped. Soooo typical. I'm so glad we decided to take the boys to Ed's parents on Friday night because it would NOT have been fun keeping them inside and trying to stay out of the way of the movers.

There were six moving men and two trucks and it took them about 6 hours to move the entire house. It helped tremendously that Ed had moved all of the packed boxes into the garage, so all they had to do was load them right into the truck. And while they moved our furniture, Ed loaded up our van with boxes of valuables and breakables that he wanted to move himself, and all the random stuff, baskets of laundry, etc. etc. Meanwhile, it took me forever to get going Saturday morning, so I finally showed up at the old house at 11:00 a.m. I took a load to the new house and was there when the movers got there with their trucks. As they unloaded, we directed and I started unpacking the kitchen. After the movers finished and left, Ed and I unpacked and unpacked and unpacked, and I got most of the kitchen done before I had to leave to head back to Ed's parents. Ed was a total machine and got the basement shelves attached the wall and unpacked most of the basement toys. He also got all the boxes sorted into the right rooms, and unpacked a bunch of other things upstairs.

When I got there on Sunday, he was attaching more shelves to walls and I finished up the kitchen and got the boys rooms all put together--sheets on beds and books on the shelves. I went to the old house and packed up the fridge and freezer stuff, and the last of the odds and ends--shower curtains, bathroom trash cans, etc. etc. William and Seth arrived around 3:00 and as we showed Ed's sister and BIL around the new house, William kept saying, "This is nice!" Too funny. William played outside on the deck for a few hours with his new firetruck while I unpacked some more and tried to keep Seth out of trouble. Seth is my little monkey. That boy loves to climb! Every time I turned around he had climbed onto a box or chair or step stool or anything he could find. It cracks me up. Anyway, we also went outside and William mowed the grass out back with his mower and he rode his tricycle to the little tot lot at the end of our row of townhouses. Seth went down the slide a few times while William rode his tricycle down an incline several times.

Anyway, we ate dinner and took baths and read stories and both boys went to sleep fairly easily. It took William a bit of time, but not as long as I anticipated. We had put his full bed together for his new room, as opposed to just putting the box spring and mattress on the floor, and he seems to really like his "big boy" bed. So all in all, the first night at our new home was a big success!

Ed continued to unpack after the boys went to bed while I went to the grocery store. He got our living room all in order and things are looking really good. He also got the gate at the top of the stairs attached--on the third floor, with the bedrooms. We have to get a new gate for the main level stairs that go tot he basement. All in all, I really like our new place. I love my kitchen--especially the pantry. All of my appliances are in my kitchen, and not downstairs or in a closet somewhere. They all fit in my pantry. (My breadmaker, waffle iron, crock pot, coffee maker, knife sharpener.) And so do my serving platters and trays, and my cake pans, and even our Bissell steam clean machine. Life is good when you have a pantry! I also love my soaking tub, although I haven't used it yet. William used it last night and had a ball "swimming." There are lots of other specific things that are great--I actually have a full-length mirror on my closet door! And the master bedroom ceiling is vaulted so it makes the room feel huge. We also met several neighbors and everyone is very nice. I think the positives will outweigh the negatives.

The only other wrinkle in our weekend was that I caught a cold. Seth started getting sick on Thursday with a runny nose, and by mid-morning Saturday, I started feeling miserable. Seth has been a trooper, especially if he's felt as awful as I have. I've been taking Motrin and cold medicine and soldiering on. William and Ed are okay so far (I'm vigorously knocking on my desk right now), and Seth will hopefully have nothing worse than a goopy nose and a light cough.

I'll try to take some pictures as we get unpacked and settled. I'm happy with the progress we've made so far. Of course, this morning was a bit of a zoo, as we realized that we hadn't really set up our bathroom. We couldn't find our shampoo, I couldn't find my comb or sweaters, Ed couldn't find his razor. It's the little things! But overall, things are great. At the grocery store, I bought several ready-made meals, like Stouffers chicken alfredo, and a crock pot all-in-one meal, and one of those frozen meal-in-a-bag deals. Those might have to make a few repeat appearances in the grocery cart for a while, but that's okay. Whatever works, right?

Shutting Down

I'm about to turn my computer off and break it down. We decided that I will take the kids to Ed's parents tonight. It will be easier for everyone. And I doubt William will even realize that he's missing the movers and moving vans. He will get doted on all weekend by the family, and spoiled rotten by Grandma, and the Easter Bunny will visit him to boot.

I've gotten lots done today, but we're dangerously low on boxes. Ed will have to deal with the rest tonight. (Yet another advantage of taking the boys to the grandparents'--I'll get to sleep at a relatively decent hour!) I packed all the food and the rest of the kitchen, cleaned off and packed the outdoor toys, boxed up shoes, and various other odds and ends. I've also done four loads of laundry (where the heck did all of that come from?), folded them, and put them away.

I have an hour left to do a few more things. Blogging might be light for the next two weeks. We don't get Internet set up at the new place until April 21, so until then, I'll be blogging during lunch at work. Wish us luck! And good weather--it's supposed to rain all morning tomorrow. Blech!

Three Days and Counting

Just three days left in our house. We did more packing last night. I've been working on this huge laundry basket of ironing that has been sitting in our laundry room for at least a year. Most of the items are things I wore before I got pregnant with Seth. I hate ironing, but I also hate paying for something that I could do myself. Not to mention the fact that when you let it all pile up, you get a really huge dry cleaning bill. Anyway, it feels like I have new clothes now! And Ed got a few shirts, too, that he hasn't seen in years. LOL.

I'll do more ironing tonight while we watch LOST. I was kicking myself last night for not borrowing my neighbors dvds of Lost. I watched Frontline instead. I also packed the laundry room stuff. I finally found the silver polish that I knew I had but hadn't been able to find in 2 years. Who polishes silver anymore anyway?

I'll probably also try to pack shoes tonight, and there are still some kitchen things and picture frames that need packing. Hopefully we'll get those things done tonight and tomorrow night. I'm taking Friday off and bringing the kids to daycare, so I hope it will be a crazy productive day. I'll be packing the food (everything except the refrigerator) and cleaning and packing the outdoor toys. And also the last of the indoor toys. And any other last-minute things. Ed wants me to take the boys to his parents house on Friday night, rather than Saturday morning. But I really want William to see the moving truck and the moving men. We've been talking so much about it, and I think it will be weird for him to leave our house with everything in it and then go to the new house, with everything a huge mess. (Not that our "old" house isn't a huge mess.) Ed thinks he will pitch a fit when it's time to leave our house for Grandma's house on Saturday. He may be right. What do you guys think? Do we let William watch the movers for a little while, and then leave for Grandma's? Or should I just take him to Grandma's on Friday night?

Still not feeling great about the move, but this is my MO--keep expectations low, and things almost always end up better than I anticipated. So here's hoping!

Outside--It's the New Inside

William spent practically the entire weekend outside. If this is a taste of what's to come as the weather gets warmer, then I better get used to outdoor living. Seth spent most of his weekend outside, too, but he also took long naps inside, unlike William, who did not nap at all. Despite being exhausted by the end of each day, William managed to hold it together and we didn't have any major malfunctions. All in all, it was a great weekend.

While William and Seth spent the majority of their time outside, Ed and I managed to pack up the rest of the house--just about. I'd say we're about 90% packed. We have some odds and ends yet to pack--the outdoor toys, the food and utensils. And our shoes. But the rest of it is boxed up and ready to go. Moving day is Saturday, and I'm not going to dwell on it, but let's just say I've been experiencing lots of nostalgia and a twinge of remorse. I am very sad to be leaving our house. But on to new things, and hopefully better things.

I took some pictures of the boys outside Saturday morning. I imagine there will be lots more of these this summer!


This week we'll be busy try to pack everything that's left, and generally just getting ready for the movers bright and early on Saturday. Our plan is to let William see the moving van and watch the workers for a short while, and then I'll take him and Seth to Ed's parents. I'll go back to his parents on Saturday night and the boys and I will spend the night there. On Sunday, I'll go back to the new house to get unpacked and situated, and then either Ed's parents will bring the boys to the new house, or else Ed or I will go back to get them. Ed's parents have been a Godsend these past few weeks. We never would have gotten the packing done if not for them. They've been coming over every weekend and entertaining the boys while we pack. We're so lucky to have such helpful and supportive families!

The Daily Grind

I was going to write this post last night, but I was too tired at the end of the night, so I watched the pilot episode of Lost instead (part 1). I just started watching Lost this season, and I love it! But I'm so, well, lost. Anyway, as I was going through all the motions of my daily grind yesterday after work, I thought I should write them down for posterity. So here's a typical evening routine. Ed had to work late, so I shouldn't say "typical," but even with Ed home, there's not too much variation. Feel free to stop reading now because trust me, this will be boring!

We got home a little after 6:00 p.m. We had to sit in the car for a minute because William was having a time out for pulling Seth's pacifier out of his mouth. (In the car, a time out means he has to be quiet for 2 minutes, with no talking at all.)

As soon as William got out of the car, he went into the yard and started playing. I got Seth out of the car, along with my purse, the bottle bag, William's blanket, Seth's jacket, and the empty sippy cups, bowls, and bottle from the a.m. and p.m. rides. I put the stuff in the house and then walked William to the back yard so he could play. I told him he had to stay in the back yard while I went through the house and opened the back door.

After opening the back door (glass sliding door) and closing the screen, Seth and I went upstairs so I could quickly change my clothes. I watched William in the back yard from my bedroom windows.

Back downstairs, I put Seth down and he watched William through the screen door and played with the shoes by the door. I put cups and bowls in the dishwasher and bottles in the sink.

Seth and I then went outside for a few minutes. The ground was really wet, so I didn't put Seth down. William seemed content playing in the yard, so I left him there and went back inside to get dinner. While I was prepping dinner, I looked up to see William jumping in the sandbox. This wouldn't be a problem, except the sandbox is currently filled with about 2 inches of water. I would have fussed at him, but he was having such a good time. Instead I went to the screen door and asked him what he was doing. He gave me a really guilty, "busted" look and quickly got out of the sand box. It didn't seem to bother him that his feet were now wet, so I just let it go.

I heated up leftover Hamburger Helper for Seth and nuked some peas for him. (Yes--I make Hamburger Helper sometimes! I know--the horror!) I asked William if he wanted a ham and cheese omelet, but he said he just wanted ham and cheese. So after putting Seth in his seat and serving his dinner, I cut up ham and cheese for William (processed deli ham and American cheese--again, the horror!) and nuked broccoli for him.

I served William his dinner outside, but I had to wash his hands before he could eat. By now it was 6:30. William ate all his ham and cheese but left his broccoli. At around 6:45 I enticed him back inside, and he ate his broccoli. I told him we could download a new Backyardigans episode on the iPhone, so that was enough motivation for him.

We went upstairs a little before 7:00 and ended up downloading a Martha Speaks episode. I set William up with his nebulizer in our room so he could watch the new episode, and then I took Seth down the hall and started his bath. While I was bathing Seth, William abandoned his nebulizer treatment and joined us in the bathroom because he said Martha Speaks was scary. (This is where having Ed home would have helped, because Ed would have been with William during his treatment. Oh well!) He then went back and forth between the bedroom and bathroom, watching Martha Speaks and chatting with me.

About 7:15, I got Seth out of the bath and put him in his PJs. We went downstairs and I made Seth's bottle, came back upstairs and then got William's bath ready. William got in the bath and played while I gave Seth his bottle. I put Seth down in his crib about 7:40 (it's right next to the bathroom) and then washed William and got him out of the bath, got him in his pjs, and brushed his teeth. He wanted to brush my hair for a few minutes, so I let him. (What girl passes up an opportunity to get her hair brushed?)

I read him two stories (Berenstain Bears Go Out for the Team, and, hmmmm, can't remember the other one) and turned out his light. Then I told him a story (this is a new part of our routine--I make up stories about a little boy named William--he loves it!) and went downstairs to start my chores. I had to go back upstairs several times to put his covers back on, blow him kisses, and give him hugs. He finally fell asleep a little after 8:30.

Downstairs, I cleaned up after dinner (loaded the dishwasher, put stuff away, cleaned Seth's tray) and set the bottles to soaking in the sink. I cut up a grapefruit for this morning's breakfast and made my sandwich for lunch. I made two sippy cups of apple juice for the car and one sippy cup of chocolate milk for the morning. (Yes--William drinks chocolate millk. But it's Ovaltine, so it's not all bad, right?) I cleaned the bottles and set them to dry beside the sink. Ed got home about that time, so we chatted for a bit. He heated leftovers for dinner and I ate a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats and another bowl of Smart Start.

I went upstairs with the idea of either blogging or cleaning out my desk, but I watched Lost instead. After Lost was over (it was 10:00 by then) I went back downstairs and made the bottles. Back upstairs I brushed my teeth and turned on the news. We watched TV for a little while and then finally went to sleep around 10:45 p.m.

So there's the grind. If Ed had been home, he would have supervised the nebulizer treatment, and would have stayed with William while he bathed. I usually bathe the boys together, and then Ed gets William out while I give Seth his bottle and put him to bed. Ed will read one or two books to William, and then after I get Seth down, I'll read one or two more and do the whole lights out routine. While I'm doing that, Ed is usually cleaning up in the kitchen or getting his and my dinner together. After we eat, we both clean up, and then he pays bills or does work, or whatever else he has to do, while I get bottles cleaned, bottles and lunch made, and all the next day prep.

So that's our drill. I know I've written about it before, and I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write it down again. I think part of me wants validation that what I'm doing is hard. And that I'm doing a pretty good job. (I know you all know it is hard, and I also know I don't have it nearly as hard as many many many other people.) Maybe I want validation because there's always this nagging feeling that I could and should be doing better. I should be feeding my kids healthier food--organic, not processed, homemade. I should be more organized so that I can play with the kids more when we get home, rather than scrambling to get dinner on the table while trying to keep an eye on both of them. And I should manage my time better and be more productive after the kids go to sleep, so that I can actually do all the things I say I want to do.

But the thing is, I'm doing the best I can. And every day is a new opportunity to do better. And maybe I'll get there, and maybe I won't. I need to stop comparing myself to other people who seem to have it all together. In the big picture, I have it all together. I may be spread a little thin, but things are always changing. I will not be washing bottles and making bottles forever. The kids will not be commuting to and from work with me forever. They will not be this needy forever. And oh how I'll miss it when it's gone. So for now, the fact that the boys get fed, and bathed, and dressed, and that we stick to our basic routine every night is good enough. We read books and play with toys and play outside. We keep our house picked up, and "clean" for the most part. We see friends and family, we go to birthday parties, we run errands and do laundry.

We're not perfect, my life is not "ideal." But what is ideal? My ideal would only turn out to be fraught with issues anyway. Truthfully, I wasn't any more productive when I was single and didn't have kids and seemingly had all the time in the world. There were always things I wanted to do but never got around to doing. My house was not spotless and my clothes were not always clean and perfectly pressed. My limitations are my limitations, regardless of my circumstances. The difference is, now I am surrounded by the love, chaos, joy, dread, hilarity, frustration, and happiness that is family--my family. My kids are happy and thriving and my marriage is strong. I am securely employed and we are financially sound. That is all that matters. So mission accomplished. I feel validated. I'm doing a great job. I really am.