Good Riddance, January!

What a crummy month this has been. I'm not sorry to see it go. Unfortunately, we'll be dragging some remnants of January into February, as Seth has developed a terrible hacking cough. I took him to the doctor this morning, but she said it's just a cold. His lungs were clear, his ears looked good, his throat is fine. It started on Saturday with a hoarse voice and coughing. The coughing got worse, but otherwise, he's been fine. No fever, playful as usual, eating and drinking normal. I took him to school today after the doctor, but of course, his teacher said he was not himself at school, lethargic and grumpy. I swear he was fine all weekend! I wouldn't have taken him to school if he was acting sick! And anyway, I'm out of sick days. And he's fine--he's just acting!

We'll see what happens tomorrow. When he lay down to go to sleep tonight, he coughed so much that he gagged and threw up. He ended up falling asleep in his rocking chair. Who knows how the night will go. So yeah, January--good riddance!

Speaking of January, I took very few pictures this month, but here's one of Seth being silly:

And here's one of William from this weekend. We finally went sledding down the hill behind our house. It was a bit muddy at the bottom, but we had a blast. Seth joined us when he woke up from his nap, and he loved it too, even though he only got to go down a few times before we had to go in. That's about the funnest thing we did all month!

Show Me the Mommy--Right Back at You Sista!

Laura posted a picture of us on her blog today from the first time we met. Since I haven't taken any pictures of myself in the last few weeks (or had anyone take pictures of me--I really need to work on this!), I dug through the archives and found this:

Laura had come to DC for a quick weekend shopping trip to Ikea, so we met there and tried to shop and talk. I think that might have been the second time we met? Maybe the third. At any rate, it is so cool that I have made so many friends just from blogging. And if you think that "Internet" friends are not IRL friends, think again. True connections with people are hard to come by, and I love how truly connected I feel to all of my blog and Internet friends. And, of course, to Laura, who we will be visiting in just a few short weeks!

And thinking about visiting Laura in her NEW house and seeing the picture of Ikea makes me think about our house search and how fruitless it feels at this point. We're not finding affordable houses close in that we actually want to live in. Ed is really hesitant about buying. We need to figure out where we're going to live so we can enroll William in kindergarten and figure out his before/after care situation. And mostly, I'm just ready to move and get settled. I know a lot more places will be coming on the market in the next few months. We still have time. And we're actually very lucky to have so many options, and to not have to sell a house. And even the worst-case scenario--staying where we are and having William go to kindergarten in our current neighborhood--is not a terrible option. But I'm yearning for a home and to feel settled. All in good time I guess!

The State of the Hahns

January is a tough time of year to give a State of the Hahns address. That's because the state of the Hahns in January is usually not good. We are usually sick and stressed and cranky and tired of long, dark, cold days. The boys seems to struggle with behavior and Ed and I struggle just to get along.

But . . .

If I can just step away from the winter doldrums and look at the full picture, I can't help but see that the State of the Hahns is fortunate beyond measure. The worst sickness we have faced pales in comparison to the losses so many have suffered. We are stressed about deciding where we want to live, and yet, we have more financial security than most people in the U.S. We are cranky and tired, yet we have jobs and supportive families and we have the children that we always wanted. We are never hungry. We are never cold. We have never known true suffering. For that I can only be grateful and feel humbled that I have been given so much.

So truly, the state of the Hahns is strong. The state of the Hahns is secure. There is comfort in knowing that the doldrums are just a phase, a regular part of life and parenthood. We seize the joy that we can, and put the rest behind us. We get through one more day and we try to make tomorrow a better day. The state of the Hahns is solid because we have experience behind us and we have a hopeful future ahead of us. We have what we need. As for what we want? That's up to us.

So yes, the state of the Hahns is fortunate, strong, secure, comforted, solid, and mostly grateful. Most definitely grateful.

Another Monday

I think most of us would agree that January and February pretty much suck. Yucky weather and short days and post-holiday let down--I guess it's a little bit of all of that. Add in some sickness, and there just isn't a whole lot of joy to go around. I've been trying to work on my "State of the Hahns" message, but every year, it's the same thing. The state of the Hahns in January is never great.

I've been especially annoyed lately with how needy and self-centered my kids are. I realized that they are 2 and 4--which is the epicenter of neediness and selfishness. But knowing that doesn't make me hate it any less. It doesn't help that I've been sick, so I've been needing space and time to rest. We are working on boundaries and waiting and asking rather than demanding. And of course, we expect a little more of William than Seth. But William is not coming along easily, that's for sure. I have had my moments where I'm screaming inside my head, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!" At least I'm screaming in my head. That's not to say there hasn't been yelling in our house, though. I'm not proud of it, but as I've explained to William, sometimes, yelling is the only thing that gets their attention.

Dinner is another issue that has been driving me frickin' crazy, so I'm not even trying to put together a menu plan this week. I'm so tired of the boys eating things at school that they refuse to eat at home. I'm tired of making things that no one eats, and then watching them go to waste in the fridge. I'm tired of the daily battle to get the boys to sit at the table and eat, rather than getting up and down, trying to play with toys, telling me they're done after one bite. Having a menu plan only helps if my family actually eats the food I bother to cook. I'm also frustrated with vegetables. We're down to broccoli and green beans (and asparagus if I can find decent asparagus this time of year, which means it's imported, which I really don't like to buy). And lately, William hasn't touched either one of those. Last night I made mashed potatoes, because William eats the mashed potatoes at school and likes them, but did he eat them at home? Of course not. Seth wouldn't touch them.

Anyway, I think that's enough complaining in one post. I know things will be fine. And for all the angst, there are still small moments every day that keep me going. Over the weekend I spent some time with the boys outside. Seth especially craves outside time, and it's great to see him racing his scooter around the basketball court, throwing balls into his basketball hoop, and playing in the sandbox. Even though William has gotten older, he still loves his sandbox. Last weekend I let them pour water in the sandbox and they spent a long time making "concrete" and paving roads. It's gratifying to see them explore and use their imaginations and engage each other. This weekend we also made pumpkin chocolate-chip muffins and met some friends at a small aviation museum, so it's the little things that count at this point, I guess.

My strategy for the next few months is to worry less about dinner, be consistent and calm when facing demands and disrespect, and continue to maintain high expectations for behavior. We have a road trip coming up in February that is definitely something to look forward to (although weather and illness could interfere, so keeping expectations low). And hopefully we can mix in a few more special activities here and there--enough to get us out of the house now and then. As we all know, time flies pretty quickly. And I don't really want to wish my days away. It's way too easy to want them back when they're gone.

Show Me the Mommy--Or at Least, a Piece of the Mommy

One of my New Year's resolutions every. single. year. is to stop biting my nails. Obviously, I've never been successful with that one, but so far this year, I'm on the right track. I decided that if I'm going to make a commitment, I need to invest, so I'm trying to get a manicure every two weeks or so. I haven't bitten my nails since December 30, and here's how they look today, after a manicure:

Actually, this picture bums me out because my hands look so wrinkled and old. But what can I say, they're my hands. Anyway, three weeks of no nail biting is a big feat for me. It hasn't been as hard as I thought, but there are definitely lots of moments when the urge to nibble strikes. I'm trying to just take it one day at a time--just get through today--and I'll see where that takes me.

In other Mommy news, I'm still working on a full recovery, and went back to the doctor today. He added a steroid to my antibiotic and corticosteriod regimen, so hopefully, that will make the difference. I'm still coughing and still have nasal discharge and pain in my facial bones, although I'm much better than I was a week ago. The main problem now is that in all of my coughing, I managed to severely pull a muscle in my rib cage on the right side, and it kills whenever I cough, or move, or, you know, breathe.

William and Seth, meanwhile, seem fine health-wise. I think they are happy to be back into our regular routine. They have been spending lots of time lately building forts together and sharing all manner of adventures. Our sofa is pretty much totaled now because every time they're near it, there is some compulsion that drives them to remove all of the cushions and make a fort and jump from the coffee table to the sofa and back again. (Not to mention the chocolate milk and OJ stains and pen marks that cover just about every surface.) In some ways, I regret allowing them to tear it up so much, but on the other hand, to see their imaginations at work, to see the sofa as a train or a rocket ship or an excavator or a "nest," or whatever it may be each day brings a smile to my face and the conviction that a house is for living in. (And boy, is ours lived in!)

Anyway, looking forward to the weekend, and hoping that by next week, I'll be close to 100 percent again.

Never Been Sicker

Remember that "tickle" in the back of my throat that I thought I would ignore a week ago Monday? Yeah--that tickle turned into the flu with a side of bronchitis and a sinus infection. I've never felt so sick in my entire life. Ever. I begged Ed to take me to the hospital so they could give me a narcotic to knock me out. It was bad.

But let me back up a little. When last I left you, William had been sick on Sunday and still had a fever on Monday. In the wee hours of Tuesday morning (4:30 a.m.) Seth woke up and threw up. And then threw up every 30 minutes for 2 hours. I woke up with a very hoarse voice, but otherwise felt okay. I went to work and Ed stayed home with the boys. Seth didn't throw up anymore, and only ran a slight fever. William was much better. By the time I got home from work, though, I had started feeling run down. Overnight, William started coughing. On Wednesday, I stayed home with the boys, but I went from bad to worse. I was coughing a lot, and had started feeling achy. Seth was completely recovered, but William started coughing A LOT. By 4:00 p.m. on Wednesday, I was lying on the couch in a fetal position while the boys wreaked havoc in the house. At 6:00, I couldn't take it anymore and went upstairs and got in bed. I have no idea what the boys were doing. Fortunately, Ed got home shortly after that. Wednesday night, Thursday, and Thursday night were the worst. I was in so much pain from the fever and my sinuses and coughing that I couldn't sleep. I was alternating ibuprofen and acetimenophin and it wasn't helping. I was miserable. On Thursday, Ed took Seth to school but kept William home because of his cough. On Friday, I rallied a bit and went to the doctor. She didn't confirm whether or not I had the flu, but said it was definitely possible. She diagnosed bronchitis and a sinus infection and prescribed antibiotics which we picked up right away. She also put me on Flonase.

On Saturday, the fever was finally gone and I felt much better. But I just wanted to sleep. Ed's parents graciously agreed to keep the boys overnight, so I drove them to Ed's office (halfway to his parents) and his parents' met us there and we switched cars. I still didn't get a whole lot of sleep, but it was so nice to get a break from the boys. I went to Ed's parents on Sunday afternoonto pick up the boys and stayed for dinner. Once we got home and I got in bed, though, I started coughing again. And coughing, and coughing. The sinus infection was killing me and I was worried that the antibiotics weren't working. I felt pretty miserable on Monday, too, but we got through it. And by Monday night, I turned a corner. All is right with the world again. (For the most part.)

I learned some important lessons while I was sick, though.

1. I could be lying on the floor bleeding, gasping for air, and William would ask me to get him some chocolate milk.
2. My kids are way, way, way too attached to me. On Wednesday and Thursday night, Ed had to do the bath/books/bed routine by himself, and you'd think he was torturing the boys. They cried and cried and cried for me. They couldn't understand why I couldn't read to them and tuck them in if I was in the next room. I know it's not like that when I'm out of town or out of the house, but again, I could be bleeding and gasping for air, but there is hell to pay if I don't read a bedtime story.
3. My kids are way, way, way too attached to me. They would not do anything unless I was in the room with them. They wouldn't even watch TV without me there. Don't even think about asking them to play in the basement unless I plan to go down there with them. It made me CRAZY.
4. William will get tired of TV eventually. I thought this could never happen, but after a full week of TV all day, even he wanted to turn it off and play with toys.
5. I will never get tired of Wonder Pets or Kipper. The accents on Kipper kill me!
6. I can get tired of Caillou and Bob the Builder.

So there you have it. I'm just glad it's over and we can move on. My house is disgusting and needs to be cleaned, but for now, I just need to get through each day and figure out what's for dinner. Last week's plan went to hell in a handbasket, and I'm not even sure there's anything salvageable. I did manage to do laundry and wash all the sheets and pillow cases on all the beds. So that's enough, I guess. Maybe this weekend, I can go back to being productive. In the meantime, I just want to go to bed!

Sick Day and Menu Plan Monday

On Saturday night, William succumbed to the virus that's been floating around the boys' school. Around 10:30 p.m., he woke with a fever and said his stomach hurt. On Sunday morning, he woke with a fever and then threw up. Seth watched William throw up, said, "Ewww, gwoss," and then threw up himself. Fortunately, Seth doesn't seem to be sick (yet). He just inherited his father's weak stomach. William spent all day Sunday on the couch with his fever spiking up and down. No more throwing up, but he started coughing, and now he has a stuffy, runny nose. We went to the doctor today and he's fine--just a cold virus. He still had a fever off and on today, so Ed will stay home with him tomorrow. Hopefully Seth will be okay, but somehow, I doubt it. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I worked out a menu plan for the week that will probably end up being eaten only by Ed and me. William has eaten hardly anything in the last two days, and Seth is getting pickier and pickier. But regardless, here's our plan:

Sunday: Sirloin steak (broiled), salad, dinner rolls
Monday: Free-for-all (Seth ate cheese and crackers, strawberries, apples, and scavenged off my sweet potato; Ed ate leftover steak; I ate cheese and crackers and a baked sweet potato; William didn't eat)
Tuesday: Cilantro chicken, salad, dinner rolls (broccoli or green beans for the boys)
Wednesday: Quesadillas
Thursday: Zesty hamburger soup (I might have to change this because I'm not sure any of my boys will eat this) with biscuits
Friday: Carryout
Saturday: Ribs, baked beans, coleslaw

Well, at least it's a plan, even if it all goes awry. And for now, I'll just ignore that little tickle in the back of my throat. I'm sure it's nothing.

Show Me the Mommy--Archives Edition: European Tour

I know the point of Show Me the Mommy is to get us out in front of the camera more, instead of being the one behind the camera all the time, as opposed to just showing pictures of us. But since I've been digging through all my digital pictures and trying to organize them, and since I didn't actually take any pictures this week, much less get anyone to take a picture of me, I'll post the following pictures instead. These were taken in November 2002, when my brother and I took a two-week trip to Prague, Germany, and Paris. It was pretty funny to travel with my brother (who is 8 years older than me), and I'm not sure he'd ever do that again. But I'm so glad we took advantage of the opportunity while we had it.


Charles Bridge in Prague



In Germany, in front of a pub. Notice the name, "Hahn." Hahn means rooster in German.



Paris!

Seeing these pictures makes me want to travel and see these places again. I am not at all well-traveled so it was a big adventure for me. It was a blast, though. The funny thing about these pictures is that my brother had just purchased a mac-daddy, state of the art digital camera. I think it was 5 megapixels, and it cost him around $800. My how times have changed. Anyway, hopefully, Ed and I will be able to travel to Europe again, together, in the not-too-distant future (meaning next 10 years! LOL). And hopefully, next week, I will have some Show me the Mommy pictures that are more in keeping with the spirit of the task!

A Picture Worth a Thousand Words

Yesterday was the BIG day on Capitol Hill. All the new and returning senators and representatives were sworn into office. Their families joined them and there were lots of cutely dressed kids running around the halls of the Capitol and the office buildings. My very favorite picture from all the festivities appeared in Roll Call (one of the Hill newspapers):


Credit; Tom Williams/Roll Call

This was Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL), on his way to the ceremonial swearing-in in the Old Senate Chamber. His two youngest kids (shown here) are 5 and 3. He's 39 (just slightly older than me) and this picture made me laugh out loud. One kid is bouncing off the walls. The other seems to not quite want to cooperate. The slight bit of tension is palpable. Although I'm not a fan of Rubio's politics, this picture has made him so relatable and endearing to me. He's a parent to young kids, just like me. I love that he's the one herding them to the next place (as opposed to his wife or a nanny or staff member of other family member) and that he's seems to be struggling just a little bit. I realize that I'm reading a LOT into this picture. But for some reason, it makes me feel really good. There are quite a few senators who have young kids. (One senator's daughter is in William's pre-k class at school, in fact.) And they're all trying to work it out, just like I am. As much as I get frustrated and even disgusted with politicians, they're human beings, just like me. Good luck to all of the new guys and gals with little ones--I wish you all well!

Wednesday Randomness

• I made the chicken parmesan tonight and it was very good. I ended up just breading the chicken when I got home. It didn't take too long. I dipped cutlets (large chicken breasts that I sliced in half and then pounded out a little) in egg, then Italian bread crumbs mixed with Parmesan cheese, and then sauteed (fried?) them in oil. Meanwhile, I boiled egg noodles and heated up spaghetti sauce. I served my chicken over buttered egg noodles with a spoonful of sauce on top. Ed ate his chicken with sauce, no noodles. William ate chicken, no sauce, no noodles, with broccoli. Seth ate noodles with sauce, and a few bites of chicken and a few bites of broccoli, but then declared he doesn't like chicken. Overall, a win!
• My "Do it Now" mantra seems to be working for me. I'm spending a little bit of time each night going through digital pictures or messing with my iPhone. Last night I made pumpkin chocolate-chip muffins. Two nights ago I read my camera manual and figured out how to manually focus my camera, except that I couldn't actually get anything focused. Guess I need to keep working on that one. Tonight I have a load of laundry going that I should be able to fold soon. Little bits here and there are good. AND I haven't bitten my nails in a week!
• Tonight when I sat on William's bed to read him a story, the bed collapsed. William thought it was hysterical. The rail that hold the slats that holds the box spring gave way. Not sure if we can fix it or if we need to seek a professional. The bed was Ed's dad's when he was young, and then Ed had it all the way through high school. Definitely worth fixing, I think!
• I made an appointment for us to see four houses on Saturday. Our lease is up in April and William starts kindegarten in September. Time to get serious about finding a house! We're still considering renting, but either way, we have to make a plan!
• Ed bought a new laptop yesterday and he Skyped me from the dining room last night. (I was in our bedroom upstairs.) That was fun.
• William will be testing for his orange stripe belt on Saturday in Taekwondo. He has to do three front kicks. I hope they are somewhat liberal in how they judge front kicks! LOL.
• I think I have a plan (tentative) for a summer trip to Florida that will include seeing friends and family, the beach, my girls' weekend, and end up in Charlotte, NC for 4th of July with Ed's sister. I hope it all works out!

 That's enough for now. Time to read and go to sleep.

"How Do YOU Know?"

"How do you know?" has become William's phrase of choice lately. Anytime I tell him anything, he immediately responds, "How do you know?" I have no idea where he heard this and I know he's partially sassing me, but I also know that he expects me to answer. One time I asked him why he keeps asking "How do you know?" He said, "Well Mommy, how am I going to learn if I don't ask questions?" Good point. So now I respond by saying, "I read it in a book." I told him that reading is the best way to learn new things. The thing is, I know that when I tell him things like that, he really takes it to heart. But time will tell whether or not he becomes an avid reader. He LOVES it when I read to him. But will he want to read by himself? Sometimes I wish I could see the future.

(Picture from our last weekend at the pool that never got posted)

In the meantime, the transition back to work and school hasn't been too rough. Seth is doing pretty well wearing underwear and was very proud to show his teachers and his friends his new underwear. Traffic hasn't been horrible, and work has been productive. Of course, it's only Tuesday. But I'll take what I can get.

(Another picture from this fall that never got posted)

I've had a partial menu plan going this week:

Sunday: Roast beef in the crock pot, potatoes (for Ed and me, boys won't touch 'em) broccoli, dinner rolls
Monday: Homemade pizza (homemade crust, jar sauce)
Tuesday: French Dip sandwiches with fruit (William probably won't eat this--will give him cheese & crackers)
Wednesday: Chicken parmesan
Thursday: ? Maybe beef pot pie, which William probably won't eat and Ed won't enjoy very much
Friday: ?
Saturday: ?

It's a start, right? I'll have to prep the chicken tonight for the chicken Parmesan. Wondering if I can go ahead and bread the chicken ahead of time and then put it in the fridge. Will the breadcrumbs end up too soggy? Should I go ahead and cook it and then re-crisp it in the oven when we get home? I'll have to do some investigating. (HeatherV--help me out!) Anyway, just rambling now. Better post this before it ends up in the heap of posts that never get posted. (Am I the only one that has these?) So far so good for 2011!

Ch-Ch Changes

It seems my boys have grown up a lot over the last few months. I think Seth's triple whammy (crib-to-bed, no more pacifier, and potty trained) has thrown me for a loop, but William has been keeping pace. He's so much more independent now, and he's such a deep thinker. Tonight, William went to sleep without the bed rail on his bed. He looks like such a big kid!

It's a small step, but symbolic of greater changes that happen in small steps every single day. It's true for the boys, but it's true for Ed and me, too. It's a reminder that change is not a destination, it's a journey. There are changes I want to make in my life, but they will not happen overnight. I have to remember that it takes small steps. And I have to remember that trying to change habits and failing is better than not trying at all. I'm never going to change if I don't try.

With that in mind, my mantra for 2011 is to DO IT NOW. I have long been a self-proclaimed procrastinator and it's something I usually laugh off. But I've realized it's a real obstacle to achieving any sort of sense of accomplishment. Combine my ability to procrastinate with my penchant for laziness, and you have the perfect storm for inertia. I've been thinking a lot lately about self motivation and how it works for people. And I've realized that I need to start small, and I need to feel success. So I've been making my bed every day. (I've made it every single morning since Thanksgiving!) I've also been paying much more attention to picking up around the house, putting things away promptly, not letting things pile up. I've tackled several organization projects, like cleaning out my closet, cleaning out my desk, sorting through digital pictures on my hard drive, syncing my iPhone. It's helped to have time off to take care of these things. But it helps more to stay on top of them in the first place so that it doesn't require huge chunks of time to deal with them. Easier said than done, of course. But I'm trying. And when I tell myself (literally) to do it now, while I have a moment, while I'm thinking about it, it helps. I don't know why I put things off when it's often actually easier to just do it right then, but some of life's mysteries will never be resolved, I guess.

Anyway, I'm hoping that finding success with these smaller things will help me work on bigger things, like exercising. But I think I'll save that for another post. For now, if I can work on keeping the little things more manageable, then maybe I can find more time to focus on bigger things, like finally reading the photography book I bought last year, or making photo books, or making homemade bread, or reading more, or spending more QT with Ed. And maybe, just maybe, a little bit of success in changing my habits will be the boost that I need to FINALLY STOP BITING MY NAILS!!!! (I think this has been on my New Year's list of resolutions since 1985.)

Not in the Mood for a New Year Post

I'm really struggling with the requesite "2010 in Review" and "reflections" and "Goals for 2011" posts. I'm just not in the mood to sit down and write those posts. I haven't even posted the whole wrap-up for Christmas 2010. Things are great, and Ed and I had an awesome New Year's Eve dinner and the boys have had an awesome break. But I'm just not in the mood to reflect.

I will come back to it, because I do want to do my "best of" post. And I have been thinking about 2011 and goals and what things I want to change. And don't get me wrong--2010 was a really good year. Lots of good things to post about. But for now I'm tired, and since one of my 2011 goals is to get more sleep, I might as well get to work on that one.

Since I don't have much to say, I'll post a picture instead. This was from earlier in December, when I was trying to get a picture of the boys with the Christmas lights. I used the LED lights, which had a very different effect than the regular lights. It was also impossible to get both boys to stay still so the pics wouldn't be blurry. But despite that, I got a few keepers.

I hope everyone's 2011 has gotten off to a fabulous start! (Ours was great, minus two very tired and very cranky boys! Maybe that's why I'm not in the mood to reflect! LOL)