Looking Back: The State of the Hahns 2009

I'm quickly approaching my 500th blog post, and I've been looking back at some of my drafts--the posts that I left unfinished and never published. There were several during the month of February, when I was really struggling, and my State of the Hahns address was one of them. Now that things are better--now that I feel like I have things under control (for the most part) and things have gotten easier--I want to post this, so I can remember when things were not so great. We've all been through these rough patches, and I think it makes us all feel reassured when we share. So here's my 2009 State of the Hahns address. I never quite finished it, but I think it ends well enough.

State of the Hahns, 2009

It has been almost two weeks since my last post, and while I have several drafts of posts, I have not finished any of them, and have not felt inspired to blog much at all. In fact, I feel very uninspired at the moment. I'm sure part of my problem has been the very unwelcome return of a certain monthly visitor who I have not had to "entertain" since August 2007, when I got pregnant with Seth. So I'll cut myself some slack for that. But more than that, I've just had this vague sense of disappointment in myself for not grasping the bull by the horns, for not taking charge of my life, for not being the person I want to be. I'm letting life overwhelm me, and I'm missing opportunities to feel joy.

I think part of the reason I haven't wanted to blog is that it's hard to be negative in a blog. You don't want to give the wrong impression, you don't want people feeling sorry for you, you don't want to be Debbie Downer. And when you look around at the blogosphere, you see lots of happy, life-couldn't-be-better posts, and you want to "keep up with the Joneses." I see lots of people who are in the same circumstance as me--work full time, two young kids, long commute, etc. etc.--but they sure seem to be handling things a lot better than I am. But this blog is for me, first and foremost, and I need to be honest--with myself and everyone else who reads my blog (all six of you! LOL). Right now I'm in a funk. Things are not great. Things are hard. I'm not at my best. I'm struggling. But if I can use an overused metaphor, I know this is just a dip in the roller coaster of life. I know it's okay to be in a funk. And I know that despite this temporary state of mind, life is really really good. And deep down, I'm happy, content, and this is the life I want, no question about it.

So, with that said, I will tackle my annual State of the Hahns address. I might not be as cheerful as I'd like to be, but that's okay. Our national outlook is not very cheerful right now anyway, so it's probably fitting. And if you missed them, you can read my '08 State of the Hahns, and my '07 State of the Hahns.

The state of the Hahns is challenged. It has been a challenging year, without a doubt. We have become a two-kid family--a four-person family. Logistics have changed, finances have changed, routines have changed. We have adjusted, and readjusted, and readjusted again, and it's hard! There has been lots of sickness, and more demands at work--two conditions that don't coexist very well. There has been a more demanding 2-year-old which brings with it the added pressure of parenting "right." Discipline and consistency and guidance are so important at this age, and yet so hard to effectively carry out. There has been the stress of putting our house on the market, waiting for an offer, the seemingly endless open houses and walk-throughs, and then, with the relief of a good offer and settlement, the stress of finding a new place to live, and of course, the pending move. And there has been the unfortunate outcome of two parents giving everything to their kids and their jobs and their sanity, and not giving enough to each other.

But with each challenge comes an opportunity to make things better, to see things in a new way, to become a better person. So while the state of the Hahns may be stressed and tired and, yes, sometimes even bitter, these "states" do not define us. They are temporary, forcing us to find new ways to cope, to bond, to forge ahead. Forcing us to look beyond the here and now, to see how truly fortunate we are.

Although becoming a family of four has brought many challenges with it, it has brought far more joy and happiness. Seth is so cute and sweet and happy. He adores his big brother, content to bask in William's attention, no matter how rough it may be! William adores Seth right back, full of attention and hugs and laughs for his little brother. Sibling love and affection is a power to behold--uplifting and comforting, making everything worth it. And as Seth gets older, things are getting easier. The real challenge facing me when it comes to family logistics and routine is to become more organized--especially when it comes to meal planning. Being organized saves time, effort, and angst. I accept the challenge!

Although sickness and more demands at work are a bit out of my control, how I react to those things is completely in my control. My kids are prone to respiratory illnesses and they will need to stay home and I will need to stay home with them. But as long as I stay productive and focused at work, do my job and do it well, and make my presence felt, rather than missed, my career self will not suffer. While Lysol, Clorox Anywhere, and hand-soap (and their use) have become essential at home, my essentials at work are tackling projects head-on (rather than procrastinating), prioritizing while also making progress on more than one project at a time, and--like at home--staying organized, so that I am not spending unnecessary time and energy doing so later. I accept these challenges!

Parenting an almost-3-year-old, and parenting well, is perhaps the biggest challenge of all, but also the most important. I make a renewed commitment to practice patience, be consistent, and control my anger. (It turns out that I have a pretty short fuse.) I will read more books on parenting, and Ed and I will talk about what works and where we want to improve. And we'll tackle it together. I accept this challenge!

While having our house on the market has been stressful, and the prospect of packing and moving makes me tired before we've even begun, the opportunity that this provides for us is exciting. If we can find something closer to the city, thus shortening my commute, our quality of life may drastically improve.

We will pass our own Recovery Act, effective immediately.

The state of the Hahns is fortunate.
The state of the Hahns is hopeful.
The state of the Hahns is resilient.
The state of the Hahns is strong, even if I don't always feel strong.

Our personal Recovery Act seemed to work, as we are in a pretty good place right now. I'm still struggling with discipline, with meal planning, with organization, with finding me time and couple time. But I'm not overwhelmed, and that makes all the difference. I'm sure there will be new lows in the future, but at least I'll be able to look back and remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Always.

Home Again

Seth was still running a fever off and on yesterday and last night, so I stayed home with both boys again today. Seth was much better today. I thought he felt hot when he woke up from his nap this afternoon, but his temperature was just at 100, and it didn't go up. So we're in the clear to go back to school tomorrow. Thank goodness! I'm eating up a lot annual leave, since I burn through sick leave faster than I can accrue it.

Anyway, today was okay with the boys. I got pretty angry a few times and yelled. I hate that I am a yeller. I hate that I lose my temper. But I am trying. I think it's a very, very good thing that the boys are at daycare all day! Anyway, we did have some good moments. I made sure to get down on the floor and really play with William when Seth was napping. I gave him my full attention, and just followed his direction. We played with some toys that we can't really play with when Seth is around. He has a Playmobile street sweeper that came with a million, teeny-tiny "rocks" that the sweeper can sweep up. It's a total PITA, but William loves doing it, so that's what we did. Then we did a bunch of puzzles.

After playing with blocks and cars for a while, we decided to make homemade dinner rolls. Of course, Seth woke up when we were about halfway through them. So I decided to make a "sensory table" for the boys. I got a large cake pan out and put flour in it and William loved it. Seth, surprisingly, wasn't all that into it. But for William, we added water and he made a ball of "dough." Then we added more flour and he rolled some of his cars through it. Then we took it outside on the deck and he pumped more water into the pan from his pumper fire truck. Then he wanted to step into the pan with his bare feet, so I let him do that, and then we were done with the sensory table.

After lunch, we did art. We opened the sidewalk paint William had gotten as a birthday gift and the boys painted the sidewalk. Then I turned on the sprinkler and let them get wet. It was fun, but a bit short-lived.

That was about the extent of my "structured" activities for the day. The rest of the day was filled with independent play, TV watching, whining, ignoring Mommy, and then crying. Fun stuff.

To top off the day, I got an email from William's teacher about transitions to the new classroom. After reading the letter, I burst into tears. I don't know why, because of course, I've known that William will be moving to the new room. And I've been talking to William about it, too. But I know that William does not want to leave his teachers, Ms. Janet and Ms. Sara. Ms Janet has some kind of magic spell cast over William, and has from the moment William met her. When we first went to visit her classroom last October, my shy, reserved, cautious, timid boy went right up to Ms. Janet and hugged her. And the rest is history. Now he's moving to the "big kid" classroom upstairs. I hope, like most things, the anticipation turns out to be way worse than the event. The whole class is transitioning together, so he already knows all the kids. I think that makes a big difference. But still, will he start crying again every day when I drop him off? Will he love Ms. Andrea too? Man, I hope so.

Seth, of course, is transitioning too. But I know he's ready. And he already loves his new teachers. Change is good. Transition is hard, but change is good. So that's our news. I guess I should also mention that Seth is regressing on the going-to-sleep-by-himself front. He now screams and cries when I put him to bed, and he's been waking up quite a bit at night, too. For the last several nights, it's because he's been sick, but it's been going on for several weeks--since his last ear infection. The crying when I put him down for the night, though, is new. I hate hearing him cry like that. But I have thicker skin now than I did with William. And Seth doesn't last as long, either. Still, I hope we get through this phase quickly.

Green Cleaning

So I'm a little behind the curve in the whole "going green" movement. I'm embarrassed to even think about my carbon footprint, or whatever my personal impact on the earth is. But everyone's got to start somewhere, right? So I'm starting with household cleaning. Since research shows how dangerous most household cleaners can be--especially to children with respiratory problems--I figured that would be a good place to start.

My neighbor is a Shaklee distributor. Shaklee makes household cleaning products, vitamins and nutrition supplements, and personal beauty products (including a new line for kids). Their products are all-natural, biodegrable, safe for the environment, and safe for the body. They've been around for over 50 years, and their products have a good reputation. So I decided to give the vitamins and home cleaners a try. They make a basic cleaning solution that you can mix in different concentrations and use a thousand different ways. So far I've been using it in my kitchen, to clean counters and different surfaces, the floor, and I've even tried it on clothing stains. My neighbor also gave me a sample of their germicide which does not contain any chlorine, phenol or glutaraldehyde. I used the germicide in my bathroom--on the toilet surfaces, on the sinks and counter, and on the floor. I also sprayed it in the shower where I noticed some mildew and pink mold. It got rid of most of the mold, but not the mildew.

So then I started researching natural home cleaning products--all of which I knew about in some vague way. Basically, baking soda, vinegar, lemon juice, hydrogen peroxide, and borax are the powerhouses of natural home cleaning. I had baking soda, lemon juice, and vinegar on hand, so I gave those a try in the bathroom. And they worked really well on cleaning the sinks, polishing surfaces, and even getting rid of some rust spots in the bathtub and shower floor (both fiberglass, I think). I did some more research on disinfecting naturally, and killing mildew, and it looks like tea tree oil might worth a try. You can mix it with vinegar, water, and borax and spray it on surfaces and leave it on for a while and then rinse it away. You can also spray the tea tree oil and vinegar and water mixture on surfaces and leave it on. You can add baking soda and make a paste or scrub. I guess it just takes some experimentation. That and a little elbow grease.

Although it sounds a little corny, it felt good to "clean green" this weekend. It's almost like a little challenge--to see what works and how I can get things even cleaner without resorting to chemicals. And it's put a little bug in me to try to make some other small changes to help the environment. First of all, we generate a LOT of trash. And since we've moved to the townhouse, we haven't been recycling. (I'm ducking now while you're throwing all of your recycleables at me!) We just haven't figured out how to get a recycling bin and who to call and all of that. No excuse, really. Just been lazy. So my goal is to set up recycling this week, and to work on reducing our trash. And I'd also like to work on running the dishwasher a little less often. They're little things, but I guess all those little things add up, right?

Anyway, if you have any green cleaning tips, send them my way!

The Sick and the Injured

I was all set to write up an exciting post chronicling our fun-filled and productive weekend. And then sick happened:

And then injured happened:

(The picture doesn't do the goose egg justice!)

So much for a good weekend that ends badly. Seth started running a fever yesterday afternoon and it was up and down all day today. William was running around at home today and slipped in his socks and earned the big 'ole goose egg on his forehead. So I did my job today--I kept them alive--but just barely.

Thank goodness the weekend wasn't a total loss. I got lots done over the weekend, including laundry cleaned, folded, and put away, sheets changed, toilets and tubs/shower cleaned, kitchen floor mopped, meals cooked, groceries shopped for, and library books returned. We had friends over on Saturday. And on Sunday, I took the boys to a water park with a great baby pool with bubbling fountains and a huge sand play area with a water table in the middle. We met a friend and her daughter there and the boys had a blast.

Today was obviously not so great, but such is life. Ed will stay home with Seth tomorrow and William will go to school while I go to work. I have no idea what's wrong with Seth--maybe Roseola. He has no other symptoms--just the fever. It hasn't been too high, though--103.5 at its highest--so I could be wrong. Hopefully he'll be fine tomorrow and can return to school on Wednesday. For the most part, his mood has been fine--his normal, happy state--except when his fever spikes. Once the Motrin kicks in, though, he's fine. He'll probably have a great day tomorrow with Ed. And hopefully, William will have a happy and injury-free day, too.

Seth's Words

Seth has had a bit of a vocabulary explosion in the last couple of weeks. His words to date are:

Mommy (Mom-mom-mom; mama; mom-MEE)
Daddy (Da-da; dad-DEE)
Clark (Gok)
Banana (Nan-na)
Up
Ball (BAA!)
Book (Buh)
Balloon (A cross between baa and buh)
Hot (haaa)
Eat (eed)
Sit (si)
Helicopter (copt) (we live close to an army base, so we see a lot of helicopters at our house)
Bye-bye
Night-night
Quack (cack)

He also pants when he sees a dog, and blows his lips together for a horse.

He knows the signs for eat, more, milk, and please. I definitely need to work on more.

I'm still waiting to see what he ends up calling William. I find myself calling William "Brother" a lot, as in, "Give Brother the truck, Seth." Or, "Where's Brother?" I don't really like it, but it's a weird throwback to my Southern roots, I guess. My father's generation had lots of kids that were called "Brother" and "Sister." And even William refers to himself as Brother sometimes.

Other than new words, Seth is about the same. He hasn't been sleeping well for a few weeks now. Don't know if he's teething, or his ear infection has come back, or if he's just in the habit of waking up now and being tended to. Tonight he barely ate his dinner, so I may try to take him to the doctor tomorrow. I have a feeling it's related to teething, but I've been wrong before.

No big accidents to speak of over the last several weeks. But now that I said that OUT LOUD, I'm sure we're doomed. In any event, he always keeps us on our toes with his devilish grin and fierce temper. I'm sure it won't be long before he learns the word, "Mine!" But on the flip side, he's also become adept at kissing and hugging on command. And he makes the cutest little fishy kissy face you've ever seen! What's not to love when the kid loves Oreos as much as I do?

"Brother" thinks he's pretty funny, too.

New Tactics

As everyone knows, when something isn't working, you don't keep trying the same old things. You have to switch tactics--approach the problem in a new way. For a few months now (maybe since the time change?), William hasn't been falling asleep until around 9:00 p.m., and sometimes as late as 9:30 p.m. He's usually in bed with lights out by 8:00 p.m. But he'll talk, play, and call for us until he finally falls asleep. On the weekends, we've pretty much abandoned the nap, so he's usually wiped out by 8:00 p.m. But on weekdays, he takes a two-plus-hour nap at daycare. So weeknights are when we are having the problem.

We've tried the tactic of going to bed earlier--trying for lights out by 7:30 or 7:45. But this hasn't helped, plus it's really tough to do on weeknights when we have to cram a lot into our evening, and we don't get home until as late as 6:00 p.m. some evenings. So I decided that I should be taking advantage of this awake time by spending some one-on-one time with William. He's wide awake, so why make him roll around in his bed for an hour? Although it leaves me with a little less time in the evening to do my chores and read and spend time with Ed, the trade off of getting more time with William is well worth it.

My original plan for tonight was going to be for William and me to head to the library right after bath, around 7:30. But the library has summer hours now, and it closes at 8:00 p.m. Bummer. So instead, I got out the Candyland Castle game that William got for Christmas (or maybe it was his birthday). We played several rounds of the game and William enjoyed it. Then we read stories, and I trimmed his fingernails, and we talked while I treated some laundry stains. When I finally kissed him goodnight and turned off his light at 9:00, I didn't hear another peep from him. I think he fell asleep the minute his head hit the pillow.

This might not be an every-night occurrence. I'll just have to play it by ear and see how tired or not-tired he acts. When he does stay up later, I'll stick to quiet activities we can do together, like games or coloring, or maybe just a few extra stories.

Now if I could just get him to sleep later than 5:45 a.m.! And Seth, too. They're killing me!

The Rest of Our Trip

Once our friends picked us up and we got to their house, everything was great. The weather was beautiful the whole weekend, so we spent lots of time outside. They have a great driveway and lots of ride-on toys. William tried out a scooter for the first time.


Seth was in heaven with their large collection of balls.


William was partial to the BMW Roadster.


Until my friend ME pulled out the big guns--this battery powered Corvette! Both boys loved it.

They also spent lots of time in the backyard, on the playset. Seth assumed he was just as big as the big kids and didn't hesitate for one minute before trying to climb up the ladder. He eventually found the ramp and Ed and I took turns following him, with one hand holding on to him at all times, up the ramp and then down the slide. It was a disaster waiting to happen, but lucky for us, no accidents!

William was even more impressed with JE's playroom. JE is my friend ME's five-year-old son. His playroom was filled with cars and trucks and airplanes and helicopters and army tanks and Transformers and superheros. Seth discovered the bin full of balls, and the castle slide. He tried hard to impress ME's eight-month-old daughter, KE, by climbing up the slide by himself.

After all the playing, both boys went down pretty easily for the night. William had the option of sleeping in JE's room, but he chose to sleep in the bed with me. Seth slept in the pack-n-play in the same room, and Ed chose to sleep in a different room altogether! Lucky him, huh? At any rate, both boys were alseep by their usual time, which gave the grownups plenty of time for fine wine and great conversation. As much as I loved being with the kids, my favorite part of the trip was hanging out with ME and CE, talking, laughing, and reminiscing. ME and I have known each other since we were 11 years old. We went to junior high and high school together. And we've known CE since 9th grade. He went to high school with us, too. Lots of great memories!

The trip home was better than the trip there. ME drove us into the city to catch our train. Once we boarded the train, Ed found us great seats in the back of the train. We had a whole row of the seats that face each other, which gave us plenty of room to spread out. William played with toys, watched videos on my iPhone, and looked out the windows.

Seth played with a water bottle for a long time, putting the top on and then taking it off. Then he played with some old (and spent) gift cards he found in my purse (putting them in and taking them out of the backpack's side pocket). When he got a little restless about halfway through the trip, Ed got up and walked around with him, and he fell fast asleep.

He slept the rest of the way home. Overall, it was a great trip, and even though Seth is at a tough age for traveling, I'm very very glad we went. It was so nice to spend time with ME and CE and their kids. And it was great to see their gorgeous, mac-daddy house. It definitely felt like being at a vacation resort. ME and CE are the consummate hosts! Hopefully we'll do it again in the not-too-distant future. Thanks again ME! I'm so very grateful for our friendship.

Weekend Trip, Part 2 . . . . Will Have to Wait

It's after 11:00 p.m. and I'm too pooped to post. I had to go to the grocery store tonight, clean out the fridge, make pizza for tomorrow night, and cut up fruit and do breakfast/lunch prep for tomorrow. So the rest of the trip recap will have to wait for tomorrow night. (Way to drag it out, right?) I'll at least post a picture, though, taken outside Penn Station. Seth had just woken up so he was a little confused!

Weekend Trip, Part 1

I wrote the following post on Friday afternoon, from the Metro North train, heading up to Mount Kisco. Friday was a long day, but once we got off the train and our friends picked us up, everything was awesome. (It helped that we found a fantastic pizza place right by the train station. We sat in a little park and the four of us shared two slices as we waited for our ride. Definitely some of the best pizza I've ever eaten!) I'll save the rest of the trip details for tomorrow night, but I'll post this tonight, and add a few pictures. The trip was great, but it's good to be home!

We're on the second leg of our trip--the train ride to the suburbs. The trip from D.C. was, um, tiring. William did great for the most part. He loved the train, the experience, all the different sights. He asked two gazillion questions (most starting with "Why?" but that's just par for the course.) He got a little cranky and watched Martha Speaks on my iPhone. But then he rallied, eager for the next part of our adventure.

Seth, on the other hand, was challenging, to say the least. He fell asleep on the way to the train station, and woke up right before we boarded the train. I don't think he sat down the entire three-hour ride. Ed and I took turns walking up and down the aisles, from train car to train car. He dumped his fruit on the floor. He antagonized William every chance he got. He shrieked and kicked for us to put him down. All with a big grin on his face. He also charmed a lot of passengers by smiling and waving and saying hi.

When we arrived at Grand Central (after a quick taxi ride through the city),

I put him in the little umbrella stroller we brought, and he thankfully fell asleep almost as soon as we got on the second train. Ed and William are sitting by the windows while I sit with Seth in the handicap seats. It's a nice little breather.

So at least I can say we made it! But I can definitely tell you that we won't be traveling with Seth again for quite awhile! (Other than the car.) I'm already dreading the trip home!

[Postscript: After writing this post, I peeked over at Ed and William, only to find them both asleep. All three of my boys, wiped out!]

Embarassing Things I Don't Blog About

One of the reasons I love having my blog is that it helps me remember when things happened. I know exactly when William started wheezing for the first time. And the second time. And the third time . . . well, you get the idea. I know when Ed and I went out of town or how many "date nights" we've had. I know when the boys started walking and when they got their first teeth. So tonight, when I needed to figure out when something happened for an insurance claim, I immediately checked out my blog. Except what happened is something I didn't blog about. That's probably because it happened to me!

Our house has a storm door that is pretty heavy, and I have to hold it open with my foot as I try to corral the kids inside or outside along with all the stuff I'm usually juggling as I enter or leave the house. One morning, the storm door managed to bang on my foot as I struggled to get everything outside. It hit me pretty hard, and in such a way that the corner of the door left a small wound on my foot. But I didn't really think much of it. I probably muttered a few choice words under my breath, and went on about my day.

As the day wore on, however, my foot started hurting more and more. I started limping. By the time I drove home, it was throbbing. When I got home, I hobbled around to the passenger side of the van to get the boys out of the car. I got William out first and then Seth. I held Seth and went to step up on the curb in front of our house, but when I put weight on my foot, it completely gave way and I fell--holding Seth. It was a horrible, awkward fall as I tried desperately to protect Seth. I managed to put my hand between Seth's head and the sidewalk as I performed some kind of roll-and-tuck maneuver, scraping up my pinky finger in the process. Of course, as luck would have it, a woman was walking by with her child in a stroller, right when I fell down. I was so embarrassed, but I was also so shaken up, and in so much pain, that I didn't really care.

I sat on the ground for a few minutes and made sure Seth was okay. I assured the woman I was fine, and tried to explain about the injury and how strange it was. But I'm sure I just sounded like a babbling idiot. I got the boys inside and sat on the couch and tried not to cry because it hurt so bad. I was sure I had broken my foot. I called Ed and choked back tears and he said he was on his way home. After about 15 minutes, I started feeling much better, and hobbled my way around the kitchen putting dinner together for the boys. When Ed got home, it didn't hurt nearly as bad, but Ed insisted that I go to Urgent Care. So I did. My foot wasn't even swollen by this time, though, and while I waited in the ER, I started feeling really stupid. The doctor examined me and pushed on my foot in various ways asking, "Does this hurt?" And I'd say, "No." "Does this hurt?" "No." "Does this hurt." "Ummm, no." "Yeah--so what's the problem again?" They nicely gave me a foot brace and said it could be a deep muscle bruise and told me to take Advil for pain. By the next day, my foot felt totally fine (although I wore the foot brace just in case). Really weird, and the whole thing was just embarassing from start to finish.

But now I can't remember when it happened. Was it three weeks ago? Two months ago? I have no idea? I think I've become so dependent on my blog that I can't even put events into context. I can't seem to create a timeline of my life without my blog! I don't think this is a good thing. But I guess this means I need to blog about everything from now on--the good, the bad, and the ugly! Maybe I should change the name of my blog!

We Now Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

My posts have been a little, um, deep lately. I guess that's what happens when your turn . . . old. So now I'll return to the thrilling daily (or at least a few times weekly) coverage of how I'm trying to work it all out. This requires bullets to catch everyone up.

• We have abandoned swim lessons altogether. (We were supposed to have lessons Mon-Thurs this week.) Over the weekend, William did not want to go the pool AT ALL. Not even to play in the baby pool. Not even when I promised that there were no lessons and Mr. Willie (the swim instructor) wasn't even there. Definitely not the outcome I wanted. So we will spend the rest of the summer trying to restore the idea that the pool and swimming are FUN. I will insist that William learn how to swim at some point, but it doesn't need to be now.
• On Saturday we went to a Pump It Up birthday party (Pump It Up is a bounce house) and both William and Seth had a blast. The last time we went to a PIU party was in February or March, and William was very intimidated by the huge inflatable slides and obstacle courses. He jumped in the moon bounce for a little while. But even when I offered to go with him, he did not want to do the slides. This time, however, Ed went with William to do the slides the first few times, and he took him through the obstacle course and down the slide, and after that William was all over the place, playing with his friends, racing through the obstacles, sliding with glee. And he was very proud of himself for doing it ALL BY HIMSELF, "without any help!" I was very proud of him, too. Seth, meanwhile, could not climb up the steps to the big slide fast enough. Ed had a hard time keeping up with him. (Like a dummy, I forgot to bring socks! So I couldn't play. Ed said, "How convenient.") He looked so tiny next to the huge, steep slides. But he loved every minute of it and went down the slides every which way but backwards. (And that's only because Ed stopped him!) All in all, it was a great party, and a great way to spend a few hours together.
• I managed to get a lot done this weekend, including several tasks that I've been putting off for way too long. On Friday after work, we stopped at a nursery to pick out some flowers for the planters out front. I had pansies in them, and they were looking horrible. So we spent about an hour at the nursery, checking out the chickens and roosters that roamed the place, and the goldfish pond complete with a waterfall and a turtle! And then we picked out geraniums and wax begonias, and a few tomatoes and a watermelon from their "farmer's market" section. (It's a great nursery, and right by our house!) By the time we got home, it was time to start the whole dinner, bath, and bed routine. But once the kids went to bed, I went ahead and planted the flowers. What an improvement! On Saturday morning I cleaned toilets and sinks and dusted here and there throughout the day. On Saturday evening, I deep cleaned the kitchen a bit--soft-scrubbed the kitchen counters, cleaned the grill under the refrigerator, cleaned spots off the walls and cabinets; mopped the floor. I even managed to take both kids to Target in the late afternoon. And Saturday night, I worked on framing some of William's and Seth's artwork with box acrylic frames. I hung them up in the powder room and in the kitchen, and they're really cute! I've been wanting to do that for forever, so it feels good to have finally hung them on the walls. On Sunday morning, the productivity continued as I took the boys grocery shopping and sorted the boys toys and did laundry. All of the cleaning and decorating was in anticipation of Ed's family coming over Sunday afternoon to help celebrate my birthday. (We had a great party, too! Even though we were hosting, it was enjoyable and relaxing!)
• Last night, I finally finished a photo project I've been working on for what seems like ages! I ordered 8 x 10s of the following collages:

William's 1st Year

William's 2nd Year

Seth's 1st Year

Hopefully they will turn out well when they're printed. I did them through Shutterfly's home software package. It was pretty easy to put together. The hard part was choosing the pictures.

So that just about sums things up. We are eagerly anticipating the weekend because we are taking a train to New York City to visit our friends who live in Westchester County. I can't wait, although Ed is somewhat dreading it (just the traveling part--not the seeing our friends part!), so we've got our bases covered. I think William will love it! We're taking the Amtrak train to Penn Station in NYC. Then we'll take a taxi to Grand Central where we'll catch the East Hudson line up to my friend's neighborhood. She'll pick us up at the train station. It's a short visit--Friday through Sunday--but that's usually the best kind! LOL. I can't wait to see my friends and spend time with their kids. This week I'm trying to make sure we have everything we'll need. My friend has car seats and a pack-n-play. We'll bring the Ergo and the umbrella stroller, clothes, pjs, diapers, bathing suits, blankie, camera. And toys for the train. I need to download some new videos to the iPhone. Maybe a new game or two. Nothing to it, right? If I don't post between now and then, it's because I'm busy. But hopefully I won't be that busy!

Happy Birthday to Me--My Life Story as an "Adult"

Today is my 37th birthday. I'm old. There's no hedging, no doubt. I'm old. The lines on my face and pains in my back give me away. The thing is, though, I don't psychologically feel old. I feel like the same girl who moved here in 1995, caravanning with one of my closest friends, ME, and her first husband--on their honeymoon, no less. We were one year out of college. ME had gotten married that weekend, and they were moving up to NYC. So I tagged along and "borrowed" some of their U-haul space. I drove a Suzuki Samauri at the time--a hand-me-down from my oldest sister, and a God-send, considering the fact that she gave it to me!

I moved into a group house in Arlington, VA, with four other girls. One of the girls was my best friend from college. We were all in our mid-20s (23-26), all working and figuring out our careers. I moved to DC to work as a nanny for a year for my cousin and her across-the-street neighbor. My plan was to establish residency and then start graduate school at George Mason University the following year. I had been accepted to GW's masters program in U.S. History, but I had really wanted to go to University of South Carolina for their museum studies program. But I didn't get accepted to USC. So I deferred GW because it was so freakin' expensive, and pursued Plan B. (ALWAYS have a Plan B!)

I started my job as a nanny right away. My cousin's son was 6 months old, her neighbor's son was 4 months old. I know it was really hard, but I don't really remember a lot of details of HOW I took care of two babies. I remember small things--holding one on my lap with a bottle, while feeding the other in the high chair; the play "stations" established all over the house (exersaucer, johnny jump-up, floor mat with toys, bouncy seat, playpen); the walks all over the neighborhood; the blizzard of '96 and being stuck inside for what seemed likes weeks; biting--but I don't really remember logistics. I don't remember nap time, and lunch time, and the routine. When I became a mother, it felt like I had never been around babies before. Weird.

Anyway, I nannied from September until July or August 1996, and when I wasn't babysitting, I was living it up as a single twenty-something living in a house with a bunch of other single twenty-somethings. It was the perfect setting for me and really brought me out of my shell. My roommates were gorgeous girls who had gone to UVA and they knew tons of people. We spent the weekends (and some weeknights!) going to parties and bars and hanging out at other twenty-somethings' group houses. I wore makeup and perfume and accessories. I learned how to flirt and met lots of boys. I dated and made some not-so-great choices, but it was all part of the experience, and I wouldn't trade a minute of it now. (Okay--so maybe I'd trade a few minutes, but you get the point!)

Meanwhile, I decided that I would definitely attend George Mason University for my masters in U.S. History that fall, following the "Applied History" track--focusing on museum studies, archival management, and historic preservation. I applied for a fellowship at Gunston Hall Plantation and got it. (I think I was their second choice--their first turned them down, but who cares! I got it!) It paid a small stipend and I worked 20 hours a week. Gunston Hall was the home of George Mason--one of the lesser known founding fathers of our nation. He wrote the Declaration of the Rights of Man that preceeded the Declaration of Independence, and he helped write the U.S. Constitution, although he was one of only two delegates who didn't sign it. But I digress--I began graduate school and my fellowship in the fall of 1996. My classes were all in the evenings, so I continued nannying for my cousin part-time. I also cleaned her house once or twice a month.

For my fellowship, I was tasked with developing this new-fangled thing called a Web site for Gunston Hall Plantation. The Internet was a novelty and e-mail was the new way to communicate. I was paying for school with student loans and living off my stipend and babysitting money, so I borrowed a little extra money and bought a new laptop.

In 1997 I started dating a guy who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. So then my life was filled with school, work, babysitting, and a semi-serious relationship. When I finished my masters in the spring of 1998 and started considering career options, things looked pretty good. I had entered my masters' program with one thing in mind--getting a job. Although I have high regard for the world of academia, I am no scholar. I was not interested in getting published or impressing highly regarded professors or pursuing a rigorous academic focus. I just wanted a job, and I figured that the only way I would meet people in the field and get applicable experience was to borrow money to go to school. And truly, my plan worked brilliantly. My professors were professionals in the field--museum curators, archivists, documentary editors, historians--and I met even more contacts through my fellowship at Gunston Hall Plantation. I did my summer internship with the First Federal Congress Project, the documentary editors of the First U.S. Congress. They've published over 15 volumes of papers from the First Congress, from the House and Senate Journals to petitions to personal correspondence. I had taken a historical editing class, taught by the editors of the project, which then led me to my internship. I spent the summer proofreading the petitions volumes.

Through my connections with the editors, I entered my post-graduate career. I spent the summer of 1998 working for the manuscript division at the Library of Congress. This is where the personal papers of hundreds of important people reside--Supreme Court justices, politicians, authors, archictects, anthropoligists, activists, and more. I worked in the reading room, where researchers came to read the papers and make copies and write their books or dissertations or articles. It was a great job, and a great place to work. It was only temporary, though, but through my connections, I interviewd for a job at the U.S. Capitol Historical Society--a non-profit organization dedicated to sharing the history of the Capitol and the U.S. Congress. I was hired as the associate historian, and was put in charge of the Society's Web site, organizing the twice-yearly symposiums, and supervising the interns. I was a professional! By this time, I had moved out of the group house with one of the girls and we rented a smaller house, just the two of us, still in Arlington, VA. In 1999, my "serious" boyfriend broke up with me. So I went back to being a single twenty-something , although by now I was in my late-twenties, and I was depressed that I hadn't yet met the man I would marry.

But, I soldiered on and tried dating again. I became very active with the Arlington Young Democrats, and the Arlington Democratic Party, and I became very, very busy. I had accumulated some credit card debt by then (always lived just a little bit above my means!), and decided that I needed to be debt-free by the time I turned 30. So I got a part-time job at Barnes and Noble, and worked two nights a week (after my day job) and on the weekends. I juggled two jobs, my organizations, and my social life. Things were good. I also moved again, this time to a house with two girls who I knew through one of my old roommates. I also bought my first car right around then--a used, white, 4-door, manual Honday Civic. Although I'm sure I got screwed, I was really proud of myself for buying a car competely by myself. Nothing else had ever made me feel quite so "grown up."

In the early summer of 2001, the editor at the First Federal Congress Project--my connection from graduate school--told me about the job opening for historical editor at the Senate Historical Office. I applied, not thinking that I actually had a shot at the job, but just to make my name known to the historians and other people in the office. I interviewed and was one of three candidates they brought back for a timed editing test. I had to summarize several articles on filibustering into about 400 words. And I think I had about an hour or two to do it. I took the test and wasn't too concerned about it. Again--I didn't think I would get the job. But in the end, the job was mine! It paid about $12,000 more a year than my then-current job, and I was ecstatic. I started my new job in mid-July of 2001.

Then 9-11 happened, and then our office building was contaminated by the anthrax letters. We were out of our offices for three months. We worked out of borrowed space in another building, and essentially, I only worked part-time. Meanwhile, I was still working at Barnes and Noble, paying down my debt. In December 2001, I met Ed. He had started working in the music department at B&N, after deciding last-minute that he did NOT want to attend law school. We started dating right away and the rest is history! I turned 30 in June 2002 and had a big party at our house with my friend Ruby. And in case you're wondering--I had paid down my credit card debt. I kept working at B&N for a while, but I think I finally quit some time in 2002 or early 2003. Ed got a full-time job at the Recording Industry Association of America and decided to get his MBA. I moved into his condo in the summer of 2003, and we got engaged that November. We got married in August 2004, and bought the condo below us and rented out Ed's first condo. And then we had William in May 2006.

So that pretty much covers my life prior to when I started blogging. You know the rest! I guess my point when I started all of this is that despite everything that has happened and all the stages of life that I have been through, I still feel like that 24-year-old girl who moved here in 1995. I have changed so much, and yet I haven't. I see the young women who work for the Senate--young twenty-somethings who wear stylish clothes and makeup and perfume and accessories--and I think I am like them. I remember the crushes and happy hours and songs like they were yesterday. And then I snap out of it and I look at myself from their eyes. My clothes are wrinkled, with snot and spit and God-knows-what-else stains on my shoulders and pant legs. I'm wearing the bare minimum of makeup and no accesories. I look like a woman who is married and has kids and doesn't get enough sleep and is trying to juggle work and family and life.

And then I remember that when I was twenty-something, I desperately wanted to be me. I desperately wanted a husband and kids. I wanted a great career and a great family life and a house in the suburbs. I wanted to be me. What a gratifying feeling. I may be old, but I've earned every wrinkle and every pain in my back, and I am privileged enough to have not yet earned any gray hairs, but I know those are coming, and I'll color them back to brown with pride when I get them! It may sound cheesy, but I have had a wonderful life. Thirty-seven years of everything I have ever wanted, and then some. I'm so looking forward to the next 37, and then to the 37 after that. So happy birthday to me! Although I didn't think I wanted to celebrate birthdays anymore, I realize now that there is so much to celebrate. I am blessed!

The End of a Kind of Crazy Week

There has been a lot going on in the world this week: The horrifying yet inspiring uprising in Iran; confessions of infidelity from otherwise-upstanding and morally righteous politicians (note the sarcasm here); celebrity deaths (Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson); and swim lessons gone bad. It's hard to wrap my brain around it all. No sooner had one shocking thing been revealed than another even more shocking thing took its place. (I guess the swim lessons gone bad isn't really shocking--just something else disappointing this week.)

I've always considered myself as someone who keeps up with current events, someone who takes the time to be informed. I'm a local news junkie, even though local news is ridiculously stupid and inane. I've always loved the Sunday morning talk shows, and the News Hour on PBS (formerly McNeil-Lehrer News Hour, now just Lehrer I guess). Since having kids, though, my world has grown infinitely smaller. I skim headlines and rarely read the full story. We don't even get the newspaper because it makes too much of a mess. We just read news on-line. I get about 5-10 minutes of NPR to and from work before I'm ordered requested to play "Life is a Highway" or Barney or "The Hard Way" (Mary Chapin Carpenter). I hear about breaking news slightly behind the curve--by about 48 hours, usually. That's a slight exaggeration, but only a slight one.

This week, though, the news seems to have found me, despite my disinterest inability to make time for it. Actually, it has piqued my interest and shamed me into PAYING MORE ATTENTION to the world around me. Information is everywhere and maybe it's just me, but the "news" is more slanted than ever. No matter what I'm reading, I always have to wonder who wrote it, what is that person's leaning, what is that person's agenda, who is paying that person? It's a turn-off, and also a bit overwhelming. But that's no excuse. I'm a discerning person. I can look beyond the slant or the agenda and make up my own mind. I can watch The News Hour and the Sunday morning shows on my iPhone when the boys go to bed. I can read the whole story, and not just headlines when I get to work. I can rejoin the world.

Well, I didn't mean to get on a soapbox again. I meant to talk more about how swim lessons suck and we didn't even go yesterday. I really regret signing William up, but you never know 'till you try. I worry that I've set him back, turning the whole pool experience into a bad one. It's so hard because growing up in Florida, the pool and the beach and swimming were just a part of life in the summer--a given. To have a child who is timid in the water and then doesn't even want to go to the pool--that's just a stab at my heart. So, I think for the rest of the summer, we'll just try to go the pool on the weekends and maybe after work one or two times a week. And we'll try to make it fun again. Live and learn, right? I wish I had done things differently--done a lot more pool time last summer, and looked into better swimming programs. On the other hand, it fits William's personality to be hesitant and timid and scared. And we've done several mommy and me classes, and he hasn't enjoyed those either. Maybe doing structured sports will not be his thing, whether it's swim class or soccer or karate. I hope that's not the case, but nothing would surprise me.

I'll end with a big sigh for the end of a long week. I hope the weekend brings better news and lots of fun for everyone!

Time Out for Some Historical Perspective

I don't talk very much about my job or what, exactly, I do. I love my job (for the most part) and love where I work. I love politics, but I'm not one of those opinionated, well-versed, knowledgeable political aficionados who can discuss politics articulately and persuasively. I just think it's interesting and relevant, and with my job, I'm more of an observer than a participant, which is what I prefer.

My title is "historical editor," and my job is to edit and coordinate our office publications, which include everything from brochures to books to information on the Web site. I also oversee our compilation of statistical lists that provide information on almost every aspect of the Senate: biographical information on senators, sessions of Congress, elections, committees, party leadership and organization, powers of the Senate, etc. These lists include things like senators serving 24 years or longer; senators who served as mayors; Republican and Democratic floor leaders and whips; party secretaries; secretaries of the Senates; longest Senate sessions; Saturday sessions; Sunday sessions; most roll-call votes in one day; cloture votes; senators serving as president and vice president of the U.S.; senators serving on the Supreme Court; Supreme Court and cabinet nominations; secretaries of the senate; sergeants at arms of the Senate; etc. etc. etc. I think there are something like 300 lists that I have to maintain.

Moving on, I'm currently working on a project where we are preparing for publication the minutes of the Senate Democratic Conference from 1965 to 1976. The Conference, also known as the party Caucus, is when the Democratic senators, led by the majority leader and the whip, come together in a closed meeting to discuss legislation, elections, party matters, or just about anything they want to discuss. (The two parties currently meet once a week. In the past, they met only when there was something someone wanted to discuss.) The Democrats began keeping minutes of these meetings in 1903, and many years ago, our office published the minutes from 1903 to 1964. Our office also published the Republican Conference minutes from 1911 to 1964. Since publishing those volumes, the Democrats have asked us to scan the minutes since then, both to provide a searchable version of the minutes, but also with the idea that we would continue to publish the minutes when it seemed appropriate. (The Republicans have not made a similar request, and in fact, no longer keep minutes of their Conference meetings.)

We have scanned the Democratic minutes up to 1981--which are typed and bound in huge books--and converted them to Word. My job is to go through them and correct typos and misspellings, and impose some consistency in terms of capitalization. The historian writes a summary of what was going on during each Congress, to provide some context for the minutes, and provides footnotes that identify people mentioned in the minutes or that clarify certain information.

What has struck me as I have been scanning and reading these minutes is that our country was facing the exact same problems in the late 1960s through the 1970s as we are today. The senators grappled with how to extricate the country from a war (Vietnam); the balance of executive and legislative power and the executive branch's covert tendancies (the Nixon administration); an energy crisis and how to become energy-independent; an economic crisis (during the mid-to-late 1970s); and the need for health care coverage. The arguments and discussions and theories are almost verbatim what we have seen over the last seven years. Gee--it's a good thing we solved all those problems back then!

I wish my mind could really wrap itself around the details of poltical arguments and that I could deeply grasp what was happening back then, and who was arguing for what. I only know vague concepts, and don't think I could pull off a knowledgable disscussion of the parallels. But it is so striking as I am reading these minutes. In a way it depresses me, because it doesn't look like much progress has been made, or that lessons have been learned. The left-leaning cynic in me has to note how eerily similar the Nixon and G. W. Bush years were. Hmmm, wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that both Cheney and Rumsfeld were holdovers from the Nixon administration? But on the other hand, history is cyclical, and I have faith that things will improve--are improving. I'm proud of President Obama for pushing forward with the seemingly impossible prospect of health care reform. Changes need to happen, and they won't happen if we don't keep trying. "We can't agree" is not going to cut it, no matter how you feel about the president's proposed plan.

Anyway, off my soapbox now. This is why I love my job. It's interesting and thought-provoking and challenges me to learn more and to be better informed. I sit on the periphery of Congress and politics, dealing with the past, rather than the present. But then I'm reminded of how important the past is to the present.

Better

Tonight's swim lesson was better. Not great, but definitely better. When we got to the pool, I talked to the instructor for a few minutes about my concerns, and although I could tell that he totally wanted to roll his eyes at me, he respected my request to not force anything on William. When the group gathered together, William was a little reluctant to participate. He almost panicked as they sang Ring Around the Rosie, but the instructor held him and when he didn't force William under water, William relaxed a bit. They started off with kicking this time--holding on to the side of the pool. And William was okay with that. The instructor put floating devices under the kids hips to help them keep their legs up. Then he took them one-by-one for a little ride, pulling them along and encouraging them to kick and blow bubbles. William was clearly hesitant and a little afraid, but he stuck with it and I thought the instructor did a nice job.

I was in the pool the whole time--with Seth--which was a bit tricky at times, but it worked. Towards the end, William got tired of the lesson and was pretty distracted. But we made it through the whole lesson with no crying, and maybe even some confidence restored. So that was good. We'll just take it one day at a time for now. I was talking to another mother who also expressed some concern with the "force it" approach. She asked if we were going to continue, and I told her we would, simply for the fact that it will get William in the pool every day. If he doesn't participate in the lesson, so be it. If nothing else, he'll get more familiar with the water.

So that was today's pool experience. Our weekend experience was mostly uneventful--mostly. On Saturday we did the usual cleaning and playing. We went out to the library and followed that up with a stop to get ice cream. Overall, a great day. On Father's Day, we presented Ed with some new socks, boxer shorts, and a day free of responsibility. He could do whatever he wanted--with no demands or expectations. We went to his aunt's house for a cookout in the late afternoon, and the plan was going on just swimmingly--until William threw up.

I'm not really sure what made him throw up. He hadn't eaten much of anything all day, so I guess his stomach had been a bit upset. But he wasn't acting sick at all and didn't have a temperature. And right after he threw up, he was fine--playing and being his usual silly self. It happened after everyone had eaten, not long before we had planned to leave. A short time later, though, as we were gathering everything together to leave, he started coughing. And he kept coughing and coughing. It sounded like he was having an asthma attack, and I started getting worried. We got in the car and drove away, and then William started getting upset and crying, while still coughing, and it seemed like he was struggling to breathe a bit. I started getting scared. William started crying really hard and said his mouth and throat hurt. At this point, Ed asked, "What did he eat?" And we both started panicking that maybe he had somehow eaten something with peanuts. We were close to a hospital so Ed rolled down his window and asked the car next to us how to get to the hospital. He drove to the hospital like a bat out of hell while I got the epi pen in my hand, just in case. We were really scared.

At the hospital, I took William in and left Ed to park and take care of Seth. By the time we got checked in and placed in a room, William had already stopped coughing and he wasn't wheezing. As more time passed, he was almost completely back to normal. So we waited and waited and waited for the doctor. We got to the hospital probably around 7:45 p.m., maybe a bit earlier. It was hours before the attending doctor finally saw us. I felt bad for taking up space when William was clearly fine, but I also wanted to know what the heck had happened. The doctor did hear a tiny bit of wheezing in one lung, and he said that what probably happened was that William might have aspirated a bit of vomit, which caused his coughing and irritated his lungs, and there might have been some reflux that aggravated his throat. I felt bad that we panicked and overreacted, but at the same time, it was really scary, and what if he had been having an allergic reaction or an asthma attack?

So while I sat with William for those hours, Ed had to pull Daddy duty after all on Father's Day--entertaining Seth. He said it wasn't that bad. There was a lot of action going on and Seth enjoyed the show. He finally fell asleep around 9:00 and Ed put him in the stroller. And we finally got out of there around 10:00 p.m. I fully expected William to fall fast asleep in the car on the way home, but he chattered and asked questions the whole ride home. Ed and I just looked at each and laughed. When we got home we gave him a nebulizer treatment and he finally fell asleep around 11:15 p.m. And the next morning, he was up before 6:00 a.m. He fell back asleep, but not for long. What a trooper!

As for Ed, I offered to give him a Father's Day do-over last night, where he wouldn't have any responsibilities. But he declined. What a nice guy! As much as he might complain about how hard it is to have kids--the demands and noise and mess--I know he really enjoys his kids. He's so good at teaching them things, and making things interesting. There are so many ways that I hope the boys turn out just like him. I hope they're smart, and hard working, and quick to learn. I hope they're responsible and funny and unpretentious. I hope they will be goofy on the inside, and strong on the outside. And I hope they get his propensity for neatness (without his propensity for anal retentiveness!). So Happy Father's Day Ed! Thank you for being a wonderful father and role model for the boys. We love you!

Pretty Much What I Expected

Today was William's first swim lesson, and it was pretty much what I expected. Crying, clinging, not wanting to participate. It started off pretty well. I sat on the side of the pool with Seth, while William got in the water and joined the small group of kids with the instructor. They started off singing "Ring Around the Rosie," holding hands and walking in a circle. William was holding the instructor's hand, and when they got to the "all fall down" part, the instructor gently pulled William under water--ALL THE WAY. William came up with a stunned, terrified look on his face, and when the shock wore off a second later, he started bawling. As any mother who is sitting on the side of the pool would, I immediately went to him and held him--as I also held Seth.

This was my biggest fear, or what I was most anxious about--that William would not want to participate and the only way I would get him to participate would be if I held him and participated with him. But that's not really possible with Seth. Tonight, the instructor had one of the lifeguards hold Seth, and I stayed with William through the whole lesson. But obviously, I can't do that for every lesson. I might be able to pay a lifeguard who isn't on duty to do it, but I didn't think to ask about that today. Instead, I held a shivering and very unhappy William throughout the entire 30-minute lesson as we watched the other kids put their heads underwater and open their eyes underwater, and identify different toys that the instructor held underwater. To be fair, there was another young girl there who also refused to put her head underwater, and her mom was with her the whole time.

What I realized as we shivered in the water is that William needs a lot of time to get used to something. He's so eager to swim like a big kid, so I know he will eventually get there. But the school of thought that says to just throw the kids in the water and make them put their heads under and show no mercy is not the way to go with William. I think I need to either find a private instructor and try for lessons at least 3 times a week, or else I need to find a way to spend a lot of time with William at the pool. The more he goes to the pool, the more comfortable he'll get. In the meantime, I'll take William to the lesson tomorrow, and I'll tell the instructor that I do not want him to force William to do anything he's not comfortable doing. I told William that he could tell the teacher that he's not ready if he didn't want to do something, and that he could just watch the other kids. I told him that I would have to hold Seth, but that I would be sitting beside the pool, and would be there if he needed me.

We'll see what happens. I'm probably wasting all of our time, but if nothing else, we can be in the pool every day (as long as the weather cooperates) and that will help. If I could find someone to watch Seth, that would be even better, even though the class is supposed to be instructor and kids--not parents. Oh well--hopefully all will not be lost. Stay tuned! And hopefully I can post tomorrow with a better report, and a recap of our weekend and a note about Father's Day. Wish us luck!

Beth and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today I want a do-over. I woke up a little bit late and couldn't find ANYTHING to wear in my closet. (I knew last night before I went to bed that there was nothing to wear in my closet, but I guess I was hoping that something would miraculously appear.) So I'm wearing a snot-covered brown pant suit that is ten years out of date. Then my hair would not cooperate, at all, and I'm hating my haircut because it simply DOES NOT WORK in summer weather. It's horrible. Then William woke up on the wrong side of the bed and spent the entire morning whining. (I was proud of myself, though, for not snapping at him and making things worse. Yay for mommy self-control!) Traffic was heavy and Seth didn't fall asleep, which meant he grunted and whined and cried the whole way to work. William dumped his bowl of grapes and strawberries on the floor of the car. And it took me forever to drop the kids off at daycare. Seth wiped his nose on me as I left, leaving even more snot on my jacket. I had to park in the garage and walk three blocks to my office in the yucky, misty rainy weather. Which made my hair look even better. And I think I forgot to mention that we're taking our official office group picture today. Joy.

BUT, our office is going out to lunch today to say good-bye to a co-worker, so a free, swanky lunch is pretty good. And at 3:30 there's a little good-bye party at daycare for one of Seth's teachers, and I made my homemade strawberry whipped cream cake, so I'm definitely looking forward to that. So things are looking up, I guess. There's still the issue of the group picture and my hair looking like crap, but if that's the worst thing to happen to me today, then really, I can't complain.

(And if you haven't read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, check it out! "Mom said there'd be days like this!")

Double Whammy

Seth has pink eye and an ear infection. He started getting cold symptoms on Sunday--a runny nose and a bit of a cough. On Monday he seemed fine, though, so I was thinking it probably wouldn't be too bad. On Tuesday, daycare called to say that his eye was goopy and looked pink and swollen. They also said he was cranky, which is unusual for Seth. I made an after-hours doctor's appointment for Seth and picked up the boys. We had time to go home before the appointment, so I fed the boys since the appointment would be during their dinner time. It took about two minutes for the doctor to diagnose Seth, and after that, we went to CVS to fill the antibiotic prescription. Luckily, I don't have to worry about eye drops. The amoxocillin should take care of both infections. Of course, I'll probably need the eye drops when William catches pink eye. It's inevitable, right?

Fortunately, Seth has been sleeping pretty well, although now that I've said that OUT LOUD, he'll probably sleep horribly for the rest of the week. What can you do? Ed is home with Seth today, and hopefully he can go back to daycare tomorrow.

This whole episode has highlighted some interesting contrasts in Seth's and William's personalities. William, my shy, reserved, cautious child, has no fear at the doctor's office, and never has. He does everything the doctor or nurse asks, answers questions, cooperates wonderfully. Seth, however, my outgoing, friendly, fearless child, clings to me at the doctor's office. Yesterday he would not let me put him on the scales to weigh him. I had to pry him off of me so the doctor could check his ears. And I had to hold his legs down to keep him from kicking the doctor while she tried to look in his mouth. I don't get it!

Well, so much for a summer free of sick reports. Such is life! This too shall pass. (Any other lame cliches?)

Weekend Report

We had a very nice weekend, spent swimming, playing, eating, and doing minimal chores. The weather was great--especially yesterday--so the boys got lots of outside time.

William went to the fishing pond with Ed on Saturday morning, and then I took William to the pool while Seth took a nap. I want William to be more comfortable in the water by the time his lessons start next week, so we spent most of our time in the big pool. He loved it, but he definitely has a fear of getting his head wet. I tried getting him to practice blowing bubbles, but he snorted water up his nose at some point, which made him even more scared. I worked on getting him to kick his feet out behind him, both holding onto the side of the pool and holding onto me. I tried to get him to relax on his back, but he was a big ball of tension. He did enjoy walking around in the shallow part of the pool, though, and didn't need to hold onto me, and he held onto the side of the pool and made his way to deeper water. I'm not sure how lessons will go (I'm definitely feeling anxious about them), but I'm sure half the battle is just getting more familiar with the water, which will make him more comfortable. We have another weekend to work on things (as long as the weather cooperates), so we'll just have to wait and see. We went to the pool again on Sunday, this time with Seth, and William wanted to go in the big pool right away. So that's a good sign, right?

Other than swimming, our other big "effort" for the weekend was having William wear big boy underwear. It didn't go very well. He peed in his underwear over and over, and never got the hang of going to use the potty. The only time he ever told me he needed to use the "toilet" (as he calls it) was on Sunday, while we were swimming. At home, after each accident, I made him take off his shorts and underwear, put them in the laundry room, and put on new underwear and shorts. But it didn't really seem to faze him. He didn't care that he was peeing on his clothes, and he didn't care that he had to clean it up. He just didn't get it. By Sunday, he stopped telling me that he was peeing at all, so I put him back in diapers. Maybe we'll try again next weekend. I tried reminding him every 15 minutes or so, but he when I would tell him to go try to use the potty, he was very resistant. So I don't want to get into that battle. And if he doesn't care if he's peeing on himself, then there's not much I can do at this point. I'll give him some more time and keep encouraging him in the meantime. I definitely did not expect to be this far from potty-trained at this point. But such is life. We'll get there eventually!

Seth, meanwhile, is his same old self--climbing on everything, falling down constantly. On Saturday, we went to the big playground in the afternoon, and against my better judgment, I put him on a long, steep slide. I was going to slide with him, but at the last minute, I let him go by himself, and it was a heart-stopping 5 seconds as he wobbled his way down the slide, looking like he was about to tumble head-over-heels to the bottom. At the bottom, he landed face-first in the dirt and mulch, and as he pushed himself to standing, the puzzled yet unfazed look on his dirt-and-mulch covered face had me cracking up as the adrenaline slowly subsided in my veins. He just spit some mulch out of his mouth and tried to take off as I attempted to brush the dirt off his face. Ed had watched the scene from a distance and I could tell it had scared him, too.

In other Seth news, it seems he's using more words every day. He can say mommy, daddy, up, ball, book, balloon, bubble (all of these sound the same, though, but I think they still count!), hot, Clark (our cat), and he can sign more, eat, and please. He says "Qack qack" when he sees a duck. His annunciation is not as clear as William's, but I think he knows more words than William did at this age. It's really neat to look back at William at this age, and compare the two. They have such different personalites. It will be interesting to see how they get along as they get older.

So that was our weekend. I should have cleaned more, should have changed sheets on the beds, should have mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors. I did clean sinks and toilets, and I did laundry. And it seems like we loaded and unloaded the dishwasher a hundred times. We grilled steaks on Saturday night and fish on Sunday night. And both boys ate great. And oh yeah--I forgot the recap on the farmer's market! We went after work on Friday as planned, and while it wasn't great (not a whole lot of variety, plus since we didn't get there until 6:00, a lot of stuff was sold out, like strawberries and blueberries), it was still a neat experience. We bought some new potatoes, some delicious cherries, and some honey. And then we went to Johnny Rockets for dinner. When we got home, some neighborhood kids were out playing, so we joined them and let the kids stay up late. Because the selection at the farmer's market was so limited, I might try hitting up the bigger market that's a little further away on Saturday morning.

So that was our weekend. Busy but fun, as usual. If all of our summer weekends turn out this way, I certainly won't complain!

Finished for Friday

I didn't accomplish a whole lot this week, and I didn't have much of a menu plan. But I did manage to do the following: (To see more people who are Finished for Friday, check out Lit and Laundry!)

• I finished a book--a whole book! Actually, I read it on the airplane on the way to and from Florida, but it was perfect. Sentimental, engaging, happy ending. I read Elizabeth Berg's Home Safe, and I decided that my plan for summer reading is to keep it light. It's been so long since I've been in the habit of reading, that I realized I need to ease into it. I'd been trying to plow through some heavy non-fiction, and realized that memoirs and sentimental novels are much more my style, and much more attainable for me at this point. So now I'm reading a Mary Higgins Clark novel, and I'd like to read the new Pat Conroy novel at some point this summer (if I can get it from the library). So yay for reading!
  


• I brought my lunch to work every day this week. Because I didn't really have any leftovers, I mostly brought sandwiches and yogurt. But I didn't spend money!
  


• I made chicken on the grill again one night this week while the boys played outside. It definitely puts us behind schedule a bit, but what's a half-hour in the grand scheme of things? If the weather cooperates, I'm aiming for cooking on the grill a couple of nights next week.


• I turned in William's application for swim lessons. Our community pool offers group swim lessons for two weeks (Mon-Thurs.), starting June 22. The class is from 5:30 to 6:00. I'll leave work early (at 4:00) for that period so we can get there in time, but it won't even amount to one day's leave. At any rate, I'm a little nervous about the class because I won't be in the water with William, but we've been talking about it a lot and he seems excited by it. He knows I won't be in the water with him, but I'll be nearby. I guess I'm mostly worried that he'll get scared by something and because I'll have my hands full with Seth, I won't be able to really be there for him. But that's part of the whole process, so we'll see what happens.
  

On tap for this weekend is swimming, cleaning, laundry, grocery run, and a trip to the farmer's market this evening after work. The farmer's market nearest my house runs on Friday afternoons from 4-7 p.m. So I'd thought I take the boys and check it out after work today. If it's a hit, it might become a weekly Friday evening ritual. If not, at least I tried. I can't decide if we'll get dinner out or not. There's an Oodles of Noodles restaurant in the shopping center, which I'm sure the boys would like. We'll just play it by ear. Happy weekend!

The Latest Adventures of Scrappy-Doo

While I was enjoying my girls' weekend, Seth decided to put Ed to the test. After Ed smoked a beef brisket in his smoker, he took the top of the smoker off, leaving the ashes from the charcoal exposed. He turned his back for a minute, and Seth stuck his hand in the hot ashes. Poor Seth! When I returned on Sunday, this is what I saw:

Although he cried quite a bit when it first happened, he was fine by the time Ed took him to the emergency room. He suffered 2nd degree burns on three of his fingers--just below his nails and on his fingertips--and has to wear the bandages and ointment for five days. He's pretty good at pulling off the bandages, so Ed and I are pretty good at fixing him back up. And he seems none the worse for wear. It doesn't seem to be bothering him at all. What a tough cookie!

And for those who are counting, that's three emergency room visits in just over a year. Something tells me Seth is going to become very familiar with ERs! He's certainly earning his nickname!

[ETA: I did not know about this little mishap while I was away. When I called Ed on my way home from the airport, Ed said, "Now don't freak out or anything, but Seth has a little bandage on his hand." Ed had asked the ER nurse if she thought he should call me and tell me, or wait until I came home. She suggested waiting. I'm fine with that--mostly because he handled the situation well and took Seth to the ER. Now, had he not taken Seth to the ER AND not called me, I would have been pizzed. But in hindsight, I'm glad I didn't know!]

Girls' Weekend '09

This past Friday I dropped the boys off at daycare, met Ed at his work so we could switch cars (we only have one car seat for each of the boys at this point), and made my way to the airport. Girls' Weekend '09 officially began when my friend MJ picked me up at the airport at 2:00 p.m., with her adorable daughter LMJ in tow. We met up with ME and TF at MJ's house (after I got to spend a little time with LMJ) and then headed out for the beach. The laughter and relaxation began immediately, and I don't think I stopped smiling the whole weekend.

What I wrote about Girls' Weekend last year still holds true. These girls know me better than anyone, and they love me anyway. I could not ask for better friends--caring, accepting, forgiving, challenging. This year's weekend was a little different than last. I think as we get older, we get a little more introspective and we appreciate what we have a little bit more. This year was all about eating and talking. But mostly talking. We laughed until we cried, ate shrimp, revealed long-held secrets, and played Clue and Bananagrams. We stayed up late, got up early, took walks on the beach, and talked about our kids, our husbands, our jobs, and politics (thanks to TF!). We decided that in five years, we're going to go on a Disney cruise with our kids, who will be 13, 10, 10, 8, 7, 6, and 5. I'm sure we're gluttons for punishment, but I also know it will be a blast.

I cannot wait for Girls' Weekend '10. I wonder where we will all be in our life's journey next year. There have only been two years out of the eight that we've been getting together where no one was pregnant or pumping. One of us may not be done having kids, but only time will tell. Whatever happens, I know that every year brings us closer and I hope that every year makes me a better person, as the best of them wears off on me.


So thank you, girls, for your continued support, your laughter, your love--your friendship. Can't wait 'till next year!

Buzz Cut

Today we had a "stay-home day," which is what William calls Saturdays, Sundays, holidays, and sick days. Both boys had doctor's appointments--well visits--right in the middle of the day, so it was easier to stay home. This morning, William said he wanted to get his haircut. There's a family barber shop right down the street from us, so I thought we'd give it a try. I should have thought about the fact that we're very close to a military base, with military families all around us.

The very nice woman who cut William's hair asked me how I wanted it cut. I said to "just trim it up." Boy did she!
He's still pretty cute! And he likes it, so that's what really matters. He saw himself in the car mirror before we went to the doctor's and he said, "Mommy, look at me! I'm handsome!" I said "Yes you are, buddy!"

The rest of our day was great. William got one shot, but he was very brave about it. He cried for a minute afterward, but then he was fine. Seth got two shots, but he got over them pretty quickly, too. We went to McDonald's for lunch, and then home for naps. Seth took a good long nap, but William and I watched Wall-E. Then we played outside until a rainstorm looked imminent. I brought out the camera and got some good pictures.



I'm so glad I took the whole day to spend with the boys before my girls' weekend. Hopefully it will make it a little bit easier to go back to work on Monday.

Evening Zen

I've written before about how my evenings are challenging, to say the least. We usually don't get home until a little before 6:00 p.m. William usually wants to play in the car for at least 10 or 15 minutes once we get home, and then he'll want to play outside. By the time we get into the house (once I've managed to talk William into coming inside) Seth is usually hungry and ready to eat. My goal is to get dinner on the table at 6:30, but what usually happens is that I feed Seth bits and pieces of things as he clings to my legs and whines while I'm getting dinner together and William plays, and we don't actually eat dinner until 6:45 or closer to 7:00. Fortunately, Seth likes to eat, so even though he's been snacking, he'll still sit in his high chair and eat dinner. Unlike William, who couldn't care less about eating and won't sit still in a chair at the table to eat for anything in this world.

So tonight, I changed things up a bit. After the requisite 10 minutes or so playing in the car, I brought the kids inside, quickly changed my clothes, and gathered up the pork chops I had prepared this morning. I brought the kids outside on the patio and grilled the pork chops while they played. William started in the sand box and Seth started with the water table. Then William took his tricycle for a spin, and explored the drainage basin. (There's a big drainage basin behind our row of townhouses--to catch rainwater. It's dry except when it rains.) Then he got a few of his sandbox trucks and played in the mulch around the trees. Seth found the watering can and diligently played with that. It was so relaxing watching the boys play happily while I cooked.

My plan was a bit flawed, though, in that I hadn't prepared any sides to go with dinner. Once we finally went inside it was 6:45. Seth immediately realized he was hungry, so I gave him a cracker and some frozen fruit in his high chair. I cut up the pork chops and nuked some veggies. I cut up watermelon for the boys, too. So their dinner was kind of piecemeal--I served as I went along. But Ed came home right as we were coming inside, so he got to eat with the boys, which was nice. And Seth ate the pork chops, which was nice. And the nicest part of all was that it wasn't a PITA trying to cook and keep the boys entertained.

So I'm going to try to plan meals on the grill A LOT. And I'll prepare veggie packets to throw on the grill, too. Maybe we can get a new grill with a burner on the side and I can even boil water for pasta or mac-n-cheese. The possibilities are endless! Now if I could just figure out how to get home a little earlier . . .