Another Monday

I think most of us would agree that January and February pretty much suck. Yucky weather and short days and post-holiday let down--I guess it's a little bit of all of that. Add in some sickness, and there just isn't a whole lot of joy to go around. I've been trying to work on my "State of the Hahns" message, but every year, it's the same thing. The state of the Hahns in January is never great.

I've been especially annoyed lately with how needy and self-centered my kids are. I realized that they are 2 and 4--which is the epicenter of neediness and selfishness. But knowing that doesn't make me hate it any less. It doesn't help that I've been sick, so I've been needing space and time to rest. We are working on boundaries and waiting and asking rather than demanding. And of course, we expect a little more of William than Seth. But William is not coming along easily, that's for sure. I have had my moments where I'm screaming inside my head, "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!" At least I'm screaming in my head. That's not to say there hasn't been yelling in our house, though. I'm not proud of it, but as I've explained to William, sometimes, yelling is the only thing that gets their attention.

Dinner is another issue that has been driving me frickin' crazy, so I'm not even trying to put together a menu plan this week. I'm so tired of the boys eating things at school that they refuse to eat at home. I'm tired of making things that no one eats, and then watching them go to waste in the fridge. I'm tired of the daily battle to get the boys to sit at the table and eat, rather than getting up and down, trying to play with toys, telling me they're done after one bite. Having a menu plan only helps if my family actually eats the food I bother to cook. I'm also frustrated with vegetables. We're down to broccoli and green beans (and asparagus if I can find decent asparagus this time of year, which means it's imported, which I really don't like to buy). And lately, William hasn't touched either one of those. Last night I made mashed potatoes, because William eats the mashed potatoes at school and likes them, but did he eat them at home? Of course not. Seth wouldn't touch them.

Anyway, I think that's enough complaining in one post. I know things will be fine. And for all the angst, there are still small moments every day that keep me going. Over the weekend I spent some time with the boys outside. Seth especially craves outside time, and it's great to see him racing his scooter around the basketball court, throwing balls into his basketball hoop, and playing in the sandbox. Even though William has gotten older, he still loves his sandbox. Last weekend I let them pour water in the sandbox and they spent a long time making "concrete" and paving roads. It's gratifying to see them explore and use their imaginations and engage each other. This weekend we also made pumpkin chocolate-chip muffins and met some friends at a small aviation museum, so it's the little things that count at this point, I guess.

My strategy for the next few months is to worry less about dinner, be consistent and calm when facing demands and disrespect, and continue to maintain high expectations for behavior. We have a road trip coming up in February that is definitely something to look forward to (although weather and illness could interfere, so keeping expectations low). And hopefully we can mix in a few more special activities here and there--enough to get us out of the house now and then. As we all know, time flies pretty quickly. And I don't really want to wish my days away. It's way too easy to want them back when they're gone.